Tuesday, April 17, 2007

HCwDB of the Month: Ultimate 'Bagging Championship

A reader just alerted me to how overdue we are for a monthly contest. So since the Weekly appears to be a runaway for Ab Lobster (although voting is still open), lets get to the good stuff.

The monthly Douche Off.

Last month’s triumphant douche champion: The legendary Pumpy.

This month?

That’s up to you, my fine ‘bag hunting friend. Think long and hard, and I don’t mean that as a euphemism for your crotch. Choose wisely. Weigh the pros and cons of each pic. And by pros I mean fun bags. And by cons I mean douchebags. But you knew that already.

Here are your four choice cuts of scrote and their beautiful young hotties who know not what they do. Judge them, lest they judge you.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Indiana Scrote and the Temple of Blonde


What more can I say about this juicy pic of creepy EuroBag wrongness and a fantastic cut of fine brie cheese?

Not much.

Except that I would love her under a Tuscan sun.

I would woo her with spirits and delicate Turkish flowers.

I would hump her kneecap like a rhesus monkey on Red Bull.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Rooster Wank

A genius pic on a number of scrotey levels. The literal — douche-hair to an extreme depth of douchebaggery. Note the shaved alien landing signs above the ears.

Hotness — One of the finest legends to ever grace the douched out halls of HCwDB, the Holy Blue Triangle herself.

Mini Jesus bling and popped collar goodness. The mark of any truly superior ‘bag, and by superior, I mean inferior.

The Cleavite — Textbook definition. Two crystalline arcs of pale skin revealed for our head spinning intoxication.

Together, these two make shredded ass.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Douche Platoon

The perfect cross-section sampling of modern scrote.

What should I label these four choads? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. ‘Bag, ‘Bag, ‘Bag, ‘Bag.

And one hottie milkbone in the middle for the four to salivate all over. It’s almost enough to want to firebomb Miami, Dresden-in-’44 style.

mmm… bellybutton ab peanut butter and jelly goodness.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Cowlicker


A perfect example of the greased up Kevin Bacon richboy wank, drooling all over a cheekbony slice of high class cheesecake. I’m not talking that frozen cheesecake you get at kids birthday partys. I’m talking top shelf. Waldorf Astoria level cheesecake. Lindy’s in the mid 1960s in Manhattan quality.

While Cowlick may not sport many of the classic ‘bag elements the other pics have, do not underestimate the sliming tongue and the anger scale.

Let the rage boil within. Can you taste it? Good! I knew you could.

Allow that to influence your vote at all times.

So there it is folks.

Your four finalists.

I don’t envy you your task.

This is no easy decision. Take your time. Voting will be open for the next two days. Think long and hard. And by long and hard, I mean my crotch. Which has this horrible rash on it. That’s the last time I hump a kneecap like a shrieking rhesus monkey on Red Bull.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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