Wednesday, April 25, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: Club Douche

PIC DELETED

A remarkably close horse race this week, and by horse I mean Ab Lobster’s momma. After an initial surge by Club Douche in what looked like a runaway landslide, Purg Hottie and her Rogue Choad built a slow but significant comeback. Led by andre the giant douche, Good Will Douching, baron von goolo and rip van wanker, the case was made that the hotness of the Purg and the ‘bagginess of Rogue Choad were enough to overcome the fantasmo-grease of Club Douche’s overwhelming iconography. Even Got-Bagg began to gain, behind dog the douchebag hunter and lower case bag. Finally, at the end of last night, Purg pulled even.

So there it was, all tied up. Until it came down to one last anonymous vote, cast at 2:44 am:

Anonymous said…

no contest, Club.

And boom, Club Douche pulls it out by a spiked hair follicle. Someone voting twice anonymously to tip the scales? Maybe. But don’t you fret your pretty little heads, The future ex-wife of DB1, Purg Hottie, will always have a place on the site. And by place on the site, I mean frosted mini wheats. Mmm… frosted mini wheats.

Still, let us not mourn Purg’s loss, because Club Douche and his ambiguously Persian hottie, is a worthy winner indeed. As Indiana Douche and the last Douchebag puts it:

Club Douche is such an unforgettable scrote. He reminds me of the Donk, though Club Douche does know how to smile. It’s true, he’s not making any gestures or douchey facial expressions like the other two contestants, but it’s not a requirement. His douchosity stands alone, much like his hair. 1-800 Got Bagg and Purg Hottie’s douchebag are really lower class douches compared to Club Douche. This douch could hold his own against many of the pantheon of great Douchebags of the past. He may be a gay ‘bag, but he’s still a ‘bag. Sitting next to a Hot Chick. Makes it a Hot Chick With Douchebag.

Agreeing with the DB1’s unhealthy obsession with Purg Hottie, Vinny Scumbaglia casts in with #3:

Purg Hottie. “Activating Douchebag Tractor Beam….” microseconds later, *clang* as the scroad’s hull is pulled in. The shirtcuff treatment is a plus, full douche-mug in play… oh, nevermind: what an utter, f@#$ing turd.

My vote goes to Purg Hottie’s catch of the day (and *ooogh, sigh* what times are the services held at the basement shrine?)..

But, as danny bonnadouchey sums it up:

Club Douche. Even if it was just a tiny thumbnail pic of his hair and forehead, and nothing else, not him or the hottie, I would still vote for Club Douche.

Either way, going up against Ab Lobster in the monthly ain’t going to be easy for Clubby D. That’s a hottie/scrotey smackdown of epic proportions on the way.

Once again, excellent analysis, deconstruction and denigration of the hottie/douchey wrongness of this sick society we call home. The regulars seemed to go more for Purg Hottie, so I may have to dig around and see if we might need to install a weighted voting system, with anonymous only getting half a point on a vote or something. But that would require the DB1 to pull out his slide ruler and bust the serious higher math. Which doesn’t work so well with the Wednesday morning hangover. So for now, it’s Club Douche for the win. And Purg Hottie for my heart. And by heart I mean happy place. And by happy place I don’t mean heart.

# posted by douchebag1

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