Wednesday, April 11, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: The Cowlicker


Fantastic discussion, dissection, debate and other words inspired by the letter “D” in the comments thread this week. But then, these were three HCwDBotW Award Winning candidates. But in the end the perfect curvy hotness of this toothy beauty and the bovine that’s licking her face were too much to overcome.

As bag em dano puts it:

Cowlick – This guy single handedly has irritated my acid reflux and manages to take douchery in a whole new direction. First off, if you’re going to use the Tan-in-a-can; don’t forget to do your hands.

If you insist on tweezing your eyebrows, try not to have them look like a 17-year-old Puerto Rican girl’s eyebrows. Do you have enough wax in your hair? Did you think there would be a blackout and might need a candle? This guy has so much wax in the hair it looks gray and on close examination you will see it is collecting lint.

The tongue….lets back up and zoom in. Do you see what I see? This douchebag has yellow teeth; now imagine the foul odor and germs he is depositing on her face. Ugh.

Nice smackdown bag ’em dano, and I was always a big fan of the show you draw your moniker inspiration from, “Douchenet.” Crankyprof concurred, chiming in with an eloquent haiku:

My vote: the Cowlick.
Greasy, lank, disgusting ‘bag.
Fetch me a crowbar.

Poetic. But both the Newlybags and the legend that is K-Scrote also found their share of admirers. And by admirers I mean Detroit baseball fans. douchey_dutchman makes the case for K-Scrote:

My vote has to go to Kevin McScrote.

The oil… the facial expression… the loyal Woo’s mounting a futile, bleethed-out attempt at defending the scrote using poorly formed sentences ending in prepositions… This contains all the ingredients of a douche-a-colada.

Indeed, Mortimer. Indeed. the arch douche agrees:

#3’s days of Bleething young girls are over. I know it, you know it, he knows it, and most importantly the hotties know it.

And as satisfying as drowning #1 would be, 2 more would spring up in his place. One would get the arm band; the other would get the fake diamond ear-ring. No, he is hydra of douchbags.

The win has to go to #3. It’s our duty to remove him, lest he gets that close to any other girls that hot (It think it’s the top button I am willing to pop off as soon as cowlick is gone) ever again. He won’t stop at her – we have to end it now. Hell, I’d go down without the scuba gear for that scrote.

The excellent verbal smackdown assassin baron von goolo lays into the pumped up Miami superstar with precision:

While Cowlick definitely has the highest db:hc dissonance ratio, McScrote just has too many other undeniable factors going for him. The hat tilt, the Elvis shades, that come hither Liza Minelli pout, the obvious age gap between him and the pulsating Pyramid of Bleeth before him. Note the way his overdeveloped pectorals and trapezius have entirely consumed his neck: perhaps in lieu of a flight response, McScrote can withdraw his head like a turtle, serving well to hide his bald spot when no baseball cap can be found. And that posture, asking us all to BEHOLD! like a feudal srotelord surveying his livestock. Nay! Not as a lord – as a GOD! McScrote is a Zeus of Douche, appearing before a writhing pile of Letas as a swan. An oily, Vanilla Ice of a swan, old enough to be their dad.

Wasn’t “Zeus of Douche” a late 70s Ted Nugent album? Regardless, excellent work BvG. Newlybags also received some excellent attention from jladouche, and by attention I mean purple lips:

If you wanna go for sleaze, Cowlick’s yer guy. But being a douchebag and being a sleazoid are only overlapping circles, my friend. NewlyBags combines the essentials – a certain flagrant idiocy, an armband, a boy-band pout, and WWF muscles exposed for maximum effect. Oh, and the Jersey grease that broadcasts its smell over digital miles. And the luscious, all-too hidden boobs.

But chozun sums up this week’s struggle between these three hottie/pukey inspired pics, as he reluctantly casts in with The Cowlick for the win.

#2: Let me think… Faux-Euro douche and milfy blondie with the gorgeous and her ever-so-tempting cleavite that I have seen ever. This pic infuriates me like no other. I want to punch the guy out right as he starts to stick out his tongue. Then I become sad at the stage 3 bleeth infection of the hottie and I weep openly. To think of the love we could have had…

Sigh.

Vote goes to #2 Cowlick.

It was a tough, epic battle this week. Props to the triumphant douche dissection and dissemination in the comments thread, everyone brought their A Game once to again. Next week (or two weeks?) will feature an fantastic monthly smackdown for the crown of HCwDB of the Month. But until then, good work everyone. Lets drag The Cowlick to the bottom of the ocean on our next scuba dive, swim back to the boat, pop open a PBR and feast on some lesser pics as our chaser.

Good work everyone.

# posted by douchebag1

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