Wednesday, May 9, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: Manmaries


After an intense, and at times ‘baggily sidetracked, discussion and debate, the man-boobs and his sexy compatriot with the sweet smile triumphed to take this week’s Douche Crown. And by triumphed, I mean mandana.

In the end, it’s gotta be the man-boobs. Look at those things. Better yet, look away. Fast.

Even with a perhaps undeserved second chance, The Racc was unable to prevail, illuminating an important point. Douchebaggery, at its core, must come from a psychological place deep within the human soul. It cannot simply be painted on, inked or dyed. It must be achieved through deep mental preparation.

Perhaps this is the lesson the Zen Master Douche Lee tried to teach us last year. The lesson we refuse to learn. That douchosity is not simply a state of bling, dog tags, teeth grillz, hand gestures and douche-face. It is a state of mind. A vision.

Douchius Caesar accurately sums up this week’s conundrum:

I must concurr with my learned brothers&sisters above in stating the ridiculous hotness of #1…but she cannot carry the day. As compelling as my desire to be lost in her hotness for a fortnight alas, the title must belong to Manmaries.

His uber-douchness is only equal to the hotness of his companion. The Mandana, chest wax and ‘blue steel’ look he has going is classic douche…and that is what we’re going for here, classic douchness…on this, his manmaries are on a level of their own. And by level I mean pondscum. He is the remora fish to her great white and by great white…well you know what I’m looking at.

-Douchius Caesar

Well said, D.C., and I’m still sorry about when you were betrayed and uttered those famous words, “Et Tu, Douchus?”

Voodouche Chile (Slight Return) also nails it, and by nails it I mean has sex with it:

Has to be Manmaries, on his own merit (shudder) and by default. Spider is just in the wrong place at the wrong time, exhibiting none of the scrote shibboleths. Raccouche might be a harmless cubicle dweller by day who can wear choad attire as easily as Buffalo Bill slips on human skin clothing. Manmaries, however, is douchey through and through, douchey, douchey, yes, it’s true. And the chick is hot.

Say what you will about the Racc, but Manmaries is a worthy winner in any week. I mean, look at that pic. If you need a closer look click on it. If that don’t make you want to club a baby mongoose with a dress shoe, then I don’t know what.

Great work, as always, to those of you who stayed on point in your deconstructions of hottie/douchey wrongness. As to the mini flame-war in the thread, it’s positively douchebaguous. Take it to Fark or somewhere else. Here at HCwDB.com, we unite in our sole mission: To drool over boobies and mock/rage at the scrote they attract.

Oh, and whomever coined “Minnow Slap” for Fish Slap’s zygotic friend below, that’s genius.

EDIT: rip van wanker gets credit for the Minnow Slap.

# posted by douchebag1

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