Monday, May 7, 2007

HCWDB of the Week: Raccnophobia

This was a tough week to winnow down into finalists, what with the legendary Racc getting his second chance. Both the spleen calcifying hotness of the hottie in Dude and the mutant douchebaggery of The Vulcan Douche just barely failed to make the cut. And by cut I mean poo.

But such is the violent decay of our society. Next thing you know they’ll be using Violent Femmes songs in Wendys commercials. Or Match.com will start running soft core porn-like first person “webcam” clips online. Or my rash will spread to the inner thigh because the Crisco didn’t help. On to the finalists…

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Spider Bag

My senior year in college I had a girlfriend. Her name was Hannah. She didn’t look anything like this ball of perfection. She was blond and kind of skinny. Cute in her own way. But really not anything like the angelic perfection of Spider Hottie.

How is that barely coherent and not particularly anecdotal story relevant to this pic?

No idea.

Then why did I bring it up?

Not sure.

But she is perfection. And he is choad.

I would pay 1/2 over premium for the opportunity to build condos in her cleavage with non-union labor.

Spider Bag, on the other hand, needs to have his webslinger tied to his green goblins.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Manmaries


Hard to argue with a pic that causes iris bleeding in 12% of those who stare for too long at the man boobies.Manmaries + Mandana = uber-douchosity. If we get back to what this site really stands for, at it’s core, it’s this pic right here.

She is quite delectable, even in spite of those two pirates of silicone alley.

Sleazy suburban wasteland. Sexy cutie giving a nice smile. And that.

Let the pain waft over you. And consider the HCwDB wrongness. For it speaks to all of us. It is, how you say, le peu.

HCwDB Finalist of the Week #3: The Raccoon

Never has a ‘bag inspired such loathing, apathy, discussion and debate as The Racc did in the last week. This is his second, and final, chance to advance to the monthly. There is no doubt that DJ spinning douchitude is a legit branch of the douchey/hottie combos we study. But where does the Racc fall on that scale?

Perhaps the makeup and performance based approach is no more true douche than a mime is struggling with being trapped in a box or climbing a rope. I leave it to the ‘bags, ‘bag hunters and hotties who read this site to render their judgement.

Does The Raccoon deserve a shot at Fish Slap and Ab Lobster in the monthly? Or should Man Boobies or Spider Bag advance?

To Lenny Bruce, Langston Hughes and the stage! La Vie Boheme one of these three douchey/hottie combos, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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