Tuesday, May 15, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: Shakespeare Edition

To quote the great William Shakespeare: Yea, lest thine eyes deceive, vote for a hottie with a douchebag. For together, they are skeeve.

Ah, ole’ Bill sure knew how to rank out the scrote.

While the voting continues all day in the Monthly, lets also pick a winner from last week’s crop of newbie cutie/douchey wrongness. And by winner, I mean something that resembles week old fish heads.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Bells

Ask not whom the Bells toll for. It tolls for douchebag.

Okay, not a Shakespeare quote, but apt nonetheless. It’s hard to argue with shirtless sleaze, next generation puka shell wrongness, and a librarian hottie who looks ready to party like Henry the V. And as we all know, anyone with a “V” after their name is out of control, alien lizard style.

Bells has the facial uber-douche, the greased up forehead, and presents his package like a true King Leer.

Off with his head, I say.

Yes. That head.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Twin ‘Bags

O Heaven! Were ‘bags but greasy, they were perfect. — The Two Douchebags of Verona.

We have featured Twin Bags before on the site, most notably The Douche Twins, but rarely have two perfect speciments of mirror stage douchosity appeared to ‘bag a sandwich so perfectly. And with a dark haired stage-4 Bleethed hottie, no less.

Yes, she’s chewing rosary beads. But you say that like it’s a bad thing.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Rhyme Royal

All the world’s a stage, and all the douchebags and cuties merely photo-ops; They have their faux hawks and their cleavite, And one ‘bag in his time scroads many hots. — Shakespeare’s “As You Bag It”

Sure the accouterments of douchebaggery, the bling, tats, etc., are not strong with this one. But the douche-face and flip hair are enough to qualify. Not to mention the sweet lollipop hottie. I would dip her in confectioner’s sugar and serve with tea.

Factoring in her clear affection and his douched out mug stare, the rage factor on this pic is high. Together, they make peanut butter. Really nasty peanut butter.

Honorable mention must go out to the hotness of the State School Hotties with Rembrantian Waldouche, Bag Burrito whom apparently appeared on some MTV reality show rendering him a Pro Douche and therefore disqualified, and The Rick James inspired Doucheyfreak.

It was a tough week to sift through the douche-chafe, but these three finalists were well worth the effort.

Don’t forget, voting in the Monthly is also still open all day. It looks to be a photo finish, so make sure to vote in both horse races. And by horse races, I mean horse. Offer up your reasons why your pick for hottie/douchey supremacy rises to the top of the list of Shakesperean classics like a well worn copy of “MacBleeth.”

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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