Wednesday, May 23, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: The Mack


To douche is to be. — Socrates
To be is to douche. — Sartre
Douchebag douchebag do. — Sinatra

One of the closest votes in awhile, with all three finalists seperated by 3 votes or less total. And by closest votes I mean my face buried in young Phoebe’s supple organic Trader Joes. Mmm… I love her pouty zebra printness.

Yup, The Mack took the prize, barely edging out Mullet Toad, who, like all Old Bags, confused voters with a mix of disgust and admiration for anyone who can, in the parlance of the great R. Crumb, Keep on Douchin’.

Dual Jersey hotties, too tight shirt, greased up face and tough guy James Cagney mug all merit The Mack a worthy winner. As pfah puts it:

the other two picts are equally disturbing, but The Mack embodies everything that is douche. and he’s young, so he’s got time to grow up and achieve douche status like that of Xenu or White Chocolate. the farce is strong in this one.

Interestingly, most of the hotties on the site voted for Mullet Toad. KellyBelly launched a thousand fantasies with the following:

Let’s see…..Mullet Toad is the winner! I really like his hottie. I mean, I REALLY REALLY like his hottie. She has the cutest little ties on her bikini. sigh. As for him, all I can say is, GOLD NECKLACE and HAIRY CHEST. come on people. He doesn’t deserve her!

Agreeing, the xviith scrote of douche chimed in:

How did a scrote toad like that land on such a nice lily pad? Give it up for #3 — he’s pure Parrothead Douche.

(The cognitive dissonance from this pic is mixing all my metaphors.)
(I wish I could mix her metaphors.)
(Sigh. Sweet goddam sigh.)

I feel your pain, XVII. Oh wait, no, that’s just my scrotae. But when it comes down to defining douchebaggery, it seems people like to return to the Classics. The traditional signifiers of all that is douchey/hottie wrongness. It’s like Chaim Topol sang in Fiddler: Tradition, Tradition! The Mack is traditional douche. Old school down home ‘bag values. As the the big ledoucheski sums it up:

For me the clear choice is The Mack. Girl on the left doesn’t exactly qualify as a hc, but the one on the right has an Olsen Twin kind of thing happening, but with a bigger rack. Then there is the scrote in the middle, the fact that he probably orchastrated that pose, the too tight shirt, the suspenders (wtf?), and the smug look on his face–that’s the clincher for me. He is eau de douche, the essence of douche if you will.

Yes he is, B.L. But we’ll see how far Classic Scrote takes him in the monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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