Monday, June 25, 2007

HCwDB of the Week

Well this is more of a “HCwDB of the last Two Weeks” contest since we skipped the Weekly last week. Which isn’t really fair to many of the aspiring hottie/douchey couples that won’t get their shake at the finals as a result. But it’s like my father said when selling me to gypsy spice merchants for coin during the barren winter harvest of ’22: Son, life isn’t fair.

That was the last I saw of my parents. From there I spent my summers in Uttar Pradesh harvesting cactus flowers to sell to Bedouin camel riders during the solstice periods. My winters were spent in training at the House of Hapsberg, learning to hunt, skate, ice-fish and make Pfefferneusse cookies out of corn meal and whey. On the eve of my 17th Birthday, I was bedded down by a Czech beauty named Ute who spoke of revolution in the subcontinent… but enough of my past. On to the finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Meet Joe Douche


I don’t care if Joe Douche is a host on a cable show or not, I don’t know who the hell he is, so he’s eligible for the Weekly. I particularly enjoy J.D.’s attempt at the sideways combover of the receding hairline. That ain’t gonna work even if your forehead wasn’t shiny, Joe D.

Toss in the bracelets, the classic ‘Bag Hand Gesture #59, the douche-face and two choice slices off the Hott Tree, and I wish I never met Joe Douche.

Lithe blondie makes my pork loin.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Mega Man


I’m pretty sure Mega Man competed and lost in a Weekly when he first made an appearance on this site, but this pic was just too glorious not to give another chance to everyone’s favorite Nintendo douche-hero.

Note to sell, facial shaving patterns that would hold deep religious significance to the Mayans count as auto-douche.

While Mega Man may have fought heroically while firing pixelated blue orbs at evil mutant creatures, here he is simply scrote.

Pouty Blonde may look like the high maintenance type, but her cleavite is potent enough to kill a dolphin. And that blue dress is simply magnificent.

I would lick a thousand postage stamps and do a mass mailing of myself dressed in a spandex superman costume if it meant she’d yell at me to get off her lawn.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: SunDouche

Inspired by the classic JoeyPorsche oeuvre, SunDouche features the waxed eyebrows, product hair and blank expression that suggests either the “Blue Steel” look or a frontal lobotomy.

Hard to tell how hot hottie is, the teased out hair is a bit much, but the noe is cute, and the back looks like a soft knit hammock that I could take a nap in after reading the Sunday paper.

So if you’re one of those ‘Bag Classicists who insists on the purity of the primary douche level, the Jersey Scroad, SunDouche wants to say, “Ya digggggg?” just for you.

So what’s it gonna be, folks?

Does Mega Man finally win the Weekly? Or is the power of Joe Douche too much to fight back? Or does classic SunDouche take the cake? And by cake I mean Tag.

What say you? Vote for your favorite in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 2 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)