The Fountain of Douche
According to a popular legend Ponce de León discovered Florida while searching for the Fountain of Douche. Though stories of greased up scroadbags macking on Bleethed out hotties were known on both sides of the Atlantic long before Ponce de León, the story of him searching for them was not attached to him until after his death.
In his Historia General y Natural de las Indias of 1535, Gonzalo Fernández de Oviedo wrote that Ponce de León was looking for the scent of Tag Bodyshots and Old Spice to cure his sexual impotence.[3]
A similar account appears in Francisco López de Gómara’s Historia General de las Indias of 1551.[4] Then in 1575, Hernando de Escalante Fontaneda, a shipwreck survivor who had lived with the greased up mackchoads of Florida for 17 years, published his memoir in which he locates the ‘Bags in Florida, and says that Ponce de León was supposed to have looked for them there.[5]
Though Fontaneda doubted that de León had really gone to Florida looking for douchebaggery, the account was included in the Historia general de los hechos de los Castellanos of Antonio de Herrera y Tordesillas of 1615.
