Wednesday, July 11, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: King Douchuous IV


I haven’t seen a King ascend to the throne with such dispute since Anthony I, King of Portugal, the Prior of Crato, in 1580. Or, for the cheap seats, since that singer got kicked off American Idol when the other singer won a disputed voting contest. You know. That singer. Who beat the other singer. And everyone was outraged. I’m assuming this must’ve happened on at least one season of that putrid trainwreck, so go with it.

This may be the tightest vote in HCwDB history. I’m talking as tight as the pefect blond apple butt featured in the last post. All three seperated by two votes or less.

And yet, even with Lockjaw’s premature dejaculation, he lost fairly to the King. lone scrote mcquade takes on the perplexing challenge of identifying whether or not the King is a Douche-Pro or not:

Let’s say he was a DJ or musician. Why would that discredit him? He would still have to create his look and be proud wearing it. He looks rather proud to me. I can understand discrediting him if we knew that he was a corporate creation, but he’s obviously not famous enough for us to know. We must remember that a douchebag does what he does for one reason only: scoring (or bagging) hotties. If King D. gets to put his royal scepter in even one of these blondes, then he wins. By the looks of them, he just might be getting a 2 for 1 deal. Case closed.

Well said, LSM. That’s exactly it. There’s no clear sign that King Douchuous is DJing it up, he may actually simply be taking on the Hotties at a party through the classic douche moves. Therefore he is a worthy winner. douche vader also poses what I like to call the “Clubnundrum”:

If this picture was taken in some club, I might be less inclined to vote for him because of potential pro status, but this is taken in someone’s house. Someone’s nice house! And furthermore, do we have hot chicks in this picture! YES! Yes we do. Those boobs are literally spilling out of that outfit. And that skirt! And the other girl in the leopard, and the girl on girl reach behind…so much is wrong and right with this picture. That’s why King deserves your vote for the weekly.

The hottie factor is high with the King. The arch douche concurs:

My vote is for King D, for the gold tie and the fact that polka-dot seems to be showing a remarkably few signs of grecofication, whilst her peers seem to be bleethed up to their eyeballs and beyond.

I find her resistance most heart warming.

She’s most certainly warming something, arch d. The Finger almost pulled off the upset on the pure uncut power of the douche-face and hair fungus, not to mention the Bunny Hott, but fell just short at the end. douche limbaugh, aka darksock gives the Finger back to the Finger:

No contest; for me it’s The Finger. Lockjaw can give his Mom the blouse back as he skulks back into her basement/his room. King Douchuous can hand back his Burger King big kids meal crown. It’s the Finger.

And upright douchuous also casts in for Fingerness while briliantly suggesting we create a Scrotum Pole:

The Finger has my vote. That head of his looks like it’s square enough to satisfy even an engineering student of it’s structural integrity. Plus he’s got that stupid-ass fro-hawk thing.

I plan to start a totem pole(scrot-em pole?) of DB heads that will stretch to the sky, and his head would be at the bottom.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

King Douchuous and the Hotts of the Round Table, come on down. You’re the Weekly victar. Raise that scepter and assume your crown of gelled douchosity that you so richly deserve.

# posted by douchebag1

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