Sunday, July 8, 2007

King Douchuous IV


Cactus hair and bling are impressive enough. But for King Douchuous the IV to perform the rare double ‘bag hand gesture #209 in the presence of four hotties, well, we’re witnessing douchebag royalty, my friends.

However, reader lemontart brought up an important point in one of the comments threads. On our journey of ‘bag slaying and hottie rescuing, there are important steps along our spiritual path that we must retain, lest we fall into douchebaggery ourselves.

In viewing the stupifying wrongness of the King perform his scrotey charms on a four pack of Hott, it’s as good a time as any to remind us that douchebaggery is simply about some douched up dude looking like a jackass to impress the Cleavite. It’s important to remember that when we mock the scrote, we mock only the affected performativity, the level of douchosity as demonstrated by gesture, ‘bag accoutrement, and of course, the power of the douche-face. Ethnic or religious jokes, aside from being lame, do a grave injustice to our Zen practice of understanding the ‘Bag Within us all. The common unifier of all men seeking a hottie (or four) — the allure of douchosity and the need to resist.

So that being said, King Douchuous, you’re a flaming scrotejam. And I’d like to lunch on your hotties with the cheese processed goodness of a lunchables munchables package. Especially Rumpus De Perfection on the left. Holy sweet jebus I’d castrate wolves for the chance to sniff her childhood teddybear.

# posted by douchebag1

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