Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Lockjaw Palette Cleanse II

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Mmm… wasabe.

The Lockjaw Palette Cleanse

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It’s not easy coming down off that Peaches high, so I thought we’d cleanse the palette pickled ginger slice style with a quick three pic run of Lockjaw.

Think of this as a douche-zen exercize. Allow it to clear our highly developed ‘bag senses and prepare us for new and ever expanding serveys of sexy – douchebaggy intermingling that deserves societal mock.

First up, Lockjaw’s patented combo squat double-hottie grab. With ass crack goodness.

Hall of Scrote: Peaches

‘Bags, Hotties, Choadmunchers and Vinegar Wipes, please welcome the newest member of our hallowed Hall of Scrote, the one and only Peaches.

Anyone who can maintain that level of Einsteinian concentration in the presence of so many hotties, deserves our proper attention. And by attention I mean collective mock.

With epic brow and shiny forehead, Peaches takes his rightful place alongside this site’s other hallowed Hottie/Douchey combos.

I hate to post a pic in which Peaches breaks the ‘Bag Hand Gesture #47 run, but hey, even DiMaggio had his hit streak snapped. And three more hotties in his presence make him a transcendent choadbag.

As per a suggestion in the comments thread I also kicked Big Red out of the HoS. Call it a retroactive ruling. And let all other ‘Bags and ‘Baglings be on notice. The bar has been raised. And by raised, I mean lowereed.

Death Cab for Douchie

We, the People, in order to form a more perfect union, declare the lost member of the Monkees to be scrote.

Hottie looks strangely like Joel Grey in Cabaret, but it’s the 4th, so I’m going with it.

Where's Waldouche: July 4th Edition

Since it’s a holiday, here’s an easy Waldouche.

Somewhere, hidden in this pic of a lineup of boobtastic hottitude, I’ve carefully hidden a Waldouche.

Well, maybe not so carefully.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

HINT: He’s the scroad who needs a firecracker shoved up his ass.

HCwDB of the Week: Peaches

Although the Stereo Douchetonic Twins and The Choad Warrior both found fan support, this week it’s Peaches all the way. This wasn’t so much a victory as it was a coronation.

And while there’s no hotties in this pic, I figured I’d bring back Purg Hottie and add her to the festivities. Because I love her. And by love I mean inappropriate fondling and drooling in a pile of satin figleafs. With midget flautists playing Wagner. And lots of gypsy moths.

But I digress. Back to Peaches. lemon tart sums up the Peachsapeal:

Peaches, however, has gone so far to the Dark Side of Douche that he radiates scrotiness sans accoutrements. Peaches is the Svengali of Douche, attracting hotties with the force of his piercing gaze and the power of his abnormally long thumb and pointer finger. Peaches is the anti-hero of Douche Comics, and his super-douche powers can gel your hair into a spiky faux-hawk while stealing your hottie. Peaches is on the way to HCwDB– and dare I say HoS?– status, and deserves your vote today. PEACHES!

Well said, L.T. Well said, indeed. But we can’t just ignore the genius scrotitude that is the Stereo Douchtonics. As newbie Sean M. sums it up:

I’m going to cast my first-ever vote for Stereo douchetonic. The lack of shirts. The bling. The glasses. The classic douche-hair. The bag hand gesture. And, of course, the rage-inducing fact that they’re sandwiching such a lovely, girl-next-door-style hottie.

Twice the douche, people.

In any other HCwDB of the Week contest, you’d be right Sean. But this week it was Peaches day to fruitify. The eloquent darksock takes home the apricot:

The supremely punchable Peaches is the only clear douche-cision here. No bling, no glasses, no tribal tats, just pure water and vinegar.

He rooks his gel-encrusted finger at us all, commanding the vote of skrote.

So right, D.S. Note the “Mark of the ‘Bag” in this pic as well. Total ballsack forehead brings up an important question.

So lets let this thread be a discussion topic. Peaches for “Hall of Scrote”? If you’re a regular, or even a lurker, chime in with your reasons to vote yea or nay on the Peach-Pit.

Fenway Frank

Your humble narrator in our dissection of all permutations of Douchebag Virus, The DB1, is heading up to New England for a robust 4th of July. I plan to eat hot dogs, drink beer, and hit on heavily accented New England Hotties tired of the BU Fratchoad crowd. Good times.

Updates may come at irregular times of day over the next few days, but I’ve got a ton of quality backlog pics sent in so I’ll be posting as many of them as possible. And by backlog I mean backwash. And by boobies, I mean boobies.

I couldn’t bear to slap you guys with another Lockjaw or Peaches pic so close to the holiday, so in honor of my trip Boston-ways, I’ll post Fenway Frank here. I would love Tiny Revere Hottie on the left by slathering baked beans, J. Geils Band CDs and Dunkin Donuts coffee on her autographed Bel Biv Devoe poster before taking her to Filene’s Basement for a sale. She’s a sexy little T-riding minx, ain’t she?

Lockjaw II

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Lockjaw’s getting jealous that Peaches is getting all the love. And by love, I mean pointing like a douchechoad.

I would amour Maggie Gyllenhaal Hottie for at least as long as it took me to figure out how to spell her last name. Her athletic bodice makes me tremble like Kate Hepburn on red bull.

The Human BBQ

Nothing gets me in the festive July 4th mood quite like the Human BBQ.

Halloween party, you say? Pshaw. You should be so lucky. This is no Halloween party. This is pure uncut party douche.

While peroxide beauties are not my true cup of tea, I would set off homemade fireworks to honor the anniversary of the boobies of liberty who fought off the repressive confinement of the Boob-coats in 1776. And by 1776, I mean two-if-by-sea boobies.

And for Pout Hott on the right, I would slobber on her shoulderblade like a masticating granny. I would sew her stars and stripes Betsy Ross style.

The Peach Pit

Boooya.