Monday, August 27, 2007

HCwDB of the Week

A nice smorgasboard bagel and lox sampling of quality douchebaggery and XX chromosome hotness on display in this week’s douche-off. There’s no clear runaway winner that I can see, so every vote will count. This is the last round before next week’s Special Edition HCwDB Monthly douche-off. So make it a good one, kids.

The DB1 had a quiet weekend, turning down a chance to go to a hottie pool party on Saturday to work on the book. So I’m in a cranky mood this morning.

Which makes it pretty much like every morning. Which means I’ll need to work some of this energy off by mocking the choad. But you’re thinking, “Shut it dancing monkey and get to the finalists.” And you’d be right. So without further adouche, and by a douche I mean Baio, here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week #1: Memphis Choad

If there’s one thing this world needs more of, it’s creepy Emo Country Douchebags wearing eyeliner and shaving their chests.

A truly great HCwDB pic has a touch of surreal madness. A dash of Warholian cartoonishness and Dali inspired absurdity.

Like our most recent Hall of Scrote member, The Trainwreck, a superior pic should be head slappingly confusing. It should challenge conventional douche orthodoxy and make the head spin with confusion.

DaDa Douche, if you will.

As such, Memphis Choad is more than the sum of its parts. Like a Duchamp installation. Or bolt on boobies on a hot Asian hottie.

HCwDB of the Week #2: Firedouche

Speaking of dada art, The Firedoucher has a touch of Australian rugby football playing madness mixed up in a blender with bicycle wheel stuck in a stool. On a strict scale of douchebaggery, Firedouche may be off the charts.

And do not underestimate the power of Librarian sexiness. Slap a nerdy pair of eyeglasses on this wild eyed pointy nosed brunette hottie and the DB1 might fall in love.

Again.

Stupid love.

Because there’s no better indictator that I’ve found my soulmate, my spiritual dancing partner in the afterworld, than the primal urge for boobie suckling.

Firedouche and choke collar hott. Worthy contenders on both the rage and the fun bag cliff diving scales.

HCwDB of the Week #3: Lips

At first I wasn’t sure if the former Friday Night Drinks was a Finalist, but after a weekend of meditating at my local Buddhist shrine, I’ve concluded that yes, the Buddha hates him. And therefore he is choad-worthy.

At first Lips seems more like some average wankdouche who hit the lottery, lost his shirt, and decided to do the douche-dance. But the ridiculous streaked hair gives away larger ‘bag decrepitude, and the rosary is just uber-‘bag.

Plus, as more than a few commentators noted, that’s some serious quality side-boob on the blonde. It is perky white wine goodness.

So what say you? Which leggy/greasy combo invokes the perfect combo of idiotic performative male douchebaggery and luscious arousing female hotness?

And on an unrelated note, what’s the over/under on when “McLovin” becomes as annoying as Borat impressions? I’m betting September 2nd.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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