Wednesday, September 26, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: 'Bag Island


While the early groundswell of support for the Assferno gave way to discounting for being too “professional,” and the spectacular uberdouchosity of The Warthog also began to wane, the slow and steady nausea of The Miller Lite Fratchoad and his perfect blonde hottie won the race and takes the Weekly with ease.

As Darin sums it up in the comments thread, there’s just something about Fratty McChoad and his blondie that was too horrifying to ignore:

The other two candidates are impressive in their own ways, but for sheer, raw, douchiness, the ‘Bag Islander picture is the equivalent of a chile that seems mild and fruity on first bite, but grows and swells with heat, until your mouth, your digestive tract, and eventually your entire body is wracked and overwhelmed with burning, nausea, and sweat.

Well said, Darin. Sometimes we underestimate the power of the Miller Lite Fratchoad to personify all that is douche. As doucheland, doucheland, über alles puts it:

The guy in the ‘Bag Islanders is classic douche. He’s harkening back on the days back in the 80s/early 90s when he thought he was hot s@#t. Headband, the dyed hair, and the douchegrin and gesture which suggest he’s saying “You da man!” Miller Lite is also a nice touch.

Heh. Nice dig at the Motherland with the name, DDUA.

But The Warthog and Dante’s Assferno found their fans. Danny Noonan tees up a golf shot for The Warthog:

The ‘bag Islander inspires hate in me unseen since Sam moved in with the Drummonds on Diff’rent Strokes. Yet not quite the hate I feel for the Warthog. The Warthog’s proximity to one of the all time HCs (Hollish McRacky) and his complete scrote tint and face put him in a rare category. It’s gotta be the Warthog.

Interestingly, the Assferno received a number of votes from our female ‘bag hunters. dita von douche casts in with the pros:

I have to vote Dante’s Assferno. The amount of ass in the picture, the level of douchosity, the making out chicks with the tramp stamp, the tats…. Assferno by a landslide.

And mistress julie agrees:

Dante’s Assferno because it’s just like watching bad porn: hot chicks and revolting douches in the same screen shot. Yuck. I don’t need to see faces, just close ups here please. And by close ups, I mean asses.

The ladies love the merits of the female posterior, and who am I to argue with that logic?

But stanley ipkiss makes the case for the ‘Bag Islanders to take the crown:

Close call. But i’d go with the ‘Bag Islanders.

Watching a obscenely rich, braindead zombiechoad winking way to glory like a retarded genetically deformed white Congolese chimpanzee with beer and still getting the hotties makes me clutch my chest with agonizing pain. is there no justice in this world?

Oh, and the mammaries of the hottie behind makes me curse at my nothingness in the society.

I feel your pain, S.I. And I’m pleased to see the undefinable affect within the nausea inducing hottie/douche cohabitation of the ‘Bag Island carry it to a victory.

Sure it’s not as obvious as other pics. But it’s there. Oh yes. That rank foul odor of hott and choad, mixing amidst daddy’s boat and a warm can of Miller Lite.

Chalk up a victory for the White Man’s Overbite, and punch the ‘Bag Island a ticket to the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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