Monday, October 29, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: Cartoon Edition

After last week’s surreal abstract masterpiece combining modernism, expressionism and Seurat like douchilism, Douche or Dali, today’s three selections of choad/hott are a cartoon inspired sampling of superdouche and the cuties that love them.

Three comic book frat soda brain grenades of choad/hott.

A shmorgasboard of tasty breakfast cereals, bagels and lox, and three ass-kick worthy douchestains. I’m giddy like a paint sniffing rhesus monkey. Must be Monday.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Leprechaun

When first appearing on the site, The Leprechaun was a deceptively annoying douche. At first he just struck us as standard 10 Degree Fred Durstbag.

But then his Limp Bizkit began to gain traction. Like an oil slick. Or really bad jock itch.

Or maybe it was his delicious hottie that made this couple Finals worthy. She has the look of carnal perfection that slays dragons and makes animated penguins tap dance like Savion Glover.

Or maybe it’s the Ikea porn set couch they’re sitting on. Could their location have any less ambiance? Because no lighting quite sets the sexy mood like shadowless, evenly lit, florescence.

But what takes the cake is The Leprechaun’s sneering look of possession. His feral growl touched with the faintest hint of fear and terror that he’s going to lose her to someone else.

Yes you are, Leprechaun. Were that that person you lose her to be me.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Snake Pisskin

To Escape From Douche York, this perfectly sweet co-ed hottie needs to gut Pisskin like a fish, then dive through a nearby dorm window like an old west gunman.

Speaking of the old west, anyone ever see Westworld with Yul Brenner? The sci-fi western where the robot gunmen go crazy and start killing the rich people?

Good times. Tell me Snake Pissken here couldn’t be a robot cowboy from the future.

As to Rachel Hottowitz, I would light sabbath candles and tie red string around my wrist just for the chance to daven to her perfection. She is delightful.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Batbag

POW!!!

THWACK!!

DOUCHE!!

Not much more to be said about greased up Batbag and his sidekick Robyn.

The only drawback is the MILF cutie isn’t quite up to the standards of The Leprechaun and Snake Pisskin.

But then again, Batbag. Douche Wayne. Those glasses and that highly thwackable douche-face are enough to make any week’s finals.

So them’s your three.

Remember folks, first Zen yourselves. Gaze upon each pic with new eyes. See as if for the first time. Allow each pic to summon invective from deep within your psyche. Bile from deep within your upper G.I. tract.

Which combo of delicious Key Lime Hottie pie and douche choad make you want to punch a homeless Maori child named Umbutu?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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