Wednesday, October 24, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: Douche or Dali


This week’s Weekly came down to an erudite and gentlemanly duel between Queen Bee and the Power Chord and the team behind Douche or Dali.

Polite, class system based slaps with a white glove. Aristocratic high culture conflict of interest. And a hella lot of grease and surgery.

Pulling out the win in a blaze of shirtless grease, surgical boobies and the sliced eyeball in Un Chien Andalou was the sheer scrotal power of the Douche or Dali posse. Notadouche sums up the appeal of this surreal masterpiece. And by masterpiece, I mean monstrosity:

It’s hands down douche or dali. These two pukewads make me want to gouge out my eyes with a rusty pair of nail clippers. At the same time hottie’s magnificent rack of the future (with tiniest hint of nipple) forces all of the air out of my lungs in one manic blast, cartoon style.

Or as squatch puts in:

Douche or Dali hands down. Any pictuar that can bring out the Aqua Douche Hunger Force into the comments section in full screaming Mimi mode gets my vote.

This was an interesting win in that the sheer scrotal force of The Dali Douche-Melt overpowered the transformative hottness of both Queen Bee and Tony With the Car Dealership’s Princess. And Tony and Power Chord were no slouches in the skeeze department either.

LiteraryAlchemist makes the strong case for the sheer wrongness of All American beauty Queen Bee, and 1980s Power Chordbag:

Queen Bee and Power Chord have it all. From her disarmingly charming smile, lovely eye(s) and Veronica Lake effect, to his bagtastic 1980’s pr0n-star-frollet.

This asswipe, given the three from which to choose, most earnestly believes his appearance, douche-inspiring expression, and tea-bagging goggles makes him special. He guy stinks of post-frat-midlife crisis. He is “Aqua Velvaman” (apologies to Skunk Weed).

Should Queen Bee succumb to his “charms” she will likely be sorely disappointed to find that he stuffs his crotch, drives a calico and wrecked IROC and lives not in his mother’s basement but in his younger, cute sister’s former bedroom in all its pink and pony decorated glory.

Power Chord FTW. And please. PLEASE. Someone slap that choad smoking grin off his face with a chainsaw.

Very nicely put, L.A. I may add Queen Bee to the list of future ex-Mrs. DB1s at some point. She is everything I desire in a counterpart who I will spend lots of money on while she gradually grows to have contempt for me.

But Tony With the Car Dealership’s sleaze also found support. As Charles Nelson Douchely puts it:

But, Tony. Cripes. For all I know, this could have been the next night at the same bar as Power Chord. Stumbling drunkly over to the hottie, giving a slurred “whats your sign” to her and an offer to let her massage his chest hair. She finally agrees to let Tony take a picture with her in return for him not kidnapping her cat.

But Mr. Potassiumhead makes the case for the cartoonish spectacle of Douche or Dali to rise to a state of privileged meaning structure in our Derrida inspired simulacrum:

Douche or Dali! The piercing blue eyes with nothing behind them, the shaved chests, bling that is noticeable yet doesn’t-overshadow-pectoral-development, and the lips, the pursed lips.

Combined with their facial expressions, you can hear the “mmm” emanating from the depths of their shallow souls, probably only overpowered by the Axe that is no doubt also emanating from their shaved chests. The man pubes are a added bonus.

And iutodd agrees, summing up the vote thusly:

It’s hard not to pick Queen Bee… everyone knows of a girl as hot as she is. And everyone hates whoever she is with. Usually they look like Power Chord… visions like that cause men to break down and cry in public. But I have to pick Douche or Dali. It’s classic hcwdb. Pictures that don’t seem real are the hallmark of this site. And pics like that should never, ever, ever happen.

No. No they shouldn’t.

So raise the Dali Twins shirtless skin jerseys to the rafters, and let Jessika’s inflated boobs distract from any questions about her potential to “surprise” you down there. They are this week’s Winner. And we’ll see their painted brushstrokes with melting clocks and ants coming out of hands in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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