Thursday, November 8, 2007

Douchey Boomers


As douche modernity enters its 17th Year After Grieco (17AG), we are beginning to see the first signs of early scrotes developing the paunch of middle age. Still hanging onto their ‘baggy youth and refusing to admit they’re no longer macking with the power of pure Tag Bodyshot youthified pureness.

I speak, of course, of the generation known as The Douchey Boomers.

With narcissistic flair, these aging ‘bags refuse to make way for next-generation douchebaggery. They hold desperately to the shiny forehead, facial pubes and douche-face of their youth. A period now bathed in the nostalgic glow of forehead grease.

Now being repurposed in Chevy ads and T.D. Waterhouse campaigns. Repackaged retro-douchitude, the once ur-greasy idealisms of a bygone era they refuse to admit has passed them by. I speak, of course, about the late 1990s.

Hang up the t-shirts, shave the lip-brow and buy that Chevy Suburban, D.B. It’s ovah. Pump out some kids, join a softball league, and tell tales to your fellow Douchey Boomers about how “crazy” you were in your twenties while you nurse a Miller Lite and flex your fading pecs.

And ladies? Love the Pokey Boobie look. Ditch Boomer before he tells you about the rad Nine Inch Nails show he was at in 1994 that was, like, totally off the hook.

# posted by douchebag1

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