Monday, November 12, 2007

HCwDB of the Week

It was the best of times. It was the scrotiest of times. Your humble narrator, The DB1 spent much of the weekend chasing an L.A. hottie who swore off ‘bags after her last clubster douche cheated on her with the reservations girl at Koi.

Two turn tables and a microphone later, and she’s back with his sorry tattooed and gelled up ass. Because “deep down, he’s really sweet.”

So the DB1 is fired up. His coffee is brewed. His Cocoa Puffs are still crunchy and a part of his complete nutritious breakfast. And his rash is subsiding.

Will the hotties ever learn? I put it to you, Greg. Help pick me a Hottie/Douchey couple of the week and let the mocking, and I mean serious-ass mocking, begin:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: N’ Stynk

There’s something extra annoying about this pud, and it’s not just the exploding hair.

It’s that Mark Hamill in Corvette Summer youth thing.

But the comments and reaction to this pic the first time around makes me think I might be alone on this. And yes the girl has the vague aura of jailbait. But that leopard print dress and perfect perky wonder twins, not to mention the middle aged paunchbag in the back of the pic, are enough for me to assume they’re old enough to allow the mocking/lust to compete in earnest.

And by earnest, I mean the importance of being. And goes to camp.

I’d love her knees like the Sun God Ra was loved by the Egyptian proletariat.

Which means I would shake papayrus leaves in ritual patterns as an ode to my desire to, uhm, do her. Do her long time.

Damn. That metaphor broke down like a certified pre-owned Yugo.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Limey

First appearing as shirtless limerick. Pure poetry of mock.

Now transcending the narrow confines of short-verse Irish working class bar humor, The Limey jumps to finalist status.

It could be the chin strip.

It could be the brunette’s trashy yet alluring womanhoods.

But, most importantly, it’s the combination of both. The toxic swirl of hott and douche.

And yes, hotts can be douche as well (douchebaguettes). But that is not what we vote on. We vote only on the swirl. The counterpoint.

And a wristwatch that weighs the same as a small Bangladeshi boy.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Jackhammer

I’m tossing the Jackhammer into the mix not simply on the strength of the uber-choad (although he reeks of all that is this site’s modus operandi) , but because we need to get some fun yet realistic older hotts into the mix.

The real-world mid 30s party girls who won’t annoy you with stupid questions and might even buy you a beer.

Lets hear it for 30s hotties. Old enough to hang with, yet young enough to still feature firm buttocks of quarter bouncing inspection passing quality.

Oh, and the choad. Yes, the choad. He needs to be dipped in candle wax and sold in Brazil for his healing powers.

So them’s your three.

With only a month or so to The Douchies, our annual end-of-year awards list, we only have a few weekly and only one Monthly left. So make it a good one.

Vote, as always my friends, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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