Wednesday, November 28, 2007

HCwDB of the Week: The Easy-Bake


This week’s voting was no contest, it was a slam dunk for this classic pic of club spew wrongness.

The Bakers have everything. A gorgeous sexy mamita so polluted by Chin Lip Rat Fungus Smug Smirking Asswad With Too Many Tatts (CLRFSSAWTMT) douche that she may never stop saying “yo” again.

Kid Dynamite III makes the case:

I think this one’s gonna be a landslide. Mr. Chin Lip is way too short with a goat hair ‘stash to be that smug. Poor P10 Hottie. This picture will be his MySpace profile picture for the rest of the year if not longer. I’ve been staring at the pic for too long and now my head hurts thinking about how this happened.

Good call on the Myspace Calling Card, Kid D. No doubt CLRFSSAWTMT will proudly feature those huggable hips as proof of his sexual viability.

clementine of cappadoucha agrees, going Tolkein Medieval:

Just as Saruman bred the Urukhai in vats of festering rot, so too was the Easy-Bake Oven created. Some practitioner of foul arts spliced together The Leprechaun and Will Durst, stuffed him into a lame t-shirt, stuck Tumbellina’s merkin on his chin and then set him free in the larger world. Despite his deformities, or perhaps because of them he manages to attract pseudo-hip-goth hotts to his side in a nauseating display of post-apocalyptic horror.

Beautiful smackdown, CoC. In fact, a number of ‘bag hunters took to verbally slicing the Bakers with Hattori Hanzo sharpness.

mitch meats writes: For my money, the most gag/stroke-worthy is Easy Bake. He needs to be dragged behind a Buick through a cactus patch.

douchey-douchey-do writes: Easy Bake: such a confluence of inky doucheocity and Bleethed-out hott sets a new bar for aspiring Fred Durst wannabes.

Sir Douche-a-Lot The Third writes: But, oh, Bag #2, you restore my faith in the universe. And by faith in the universe, I of course mean hatred for all things organic. Your plethora of pastel tats makes me yearn for your drawing and quartering. But, OH, your Bleethe. That young mound of lovehappy makes me want to thank my dad for not monofrolicking that cool February night and instead defiling my mother.

Nicely done, people. Beautiful.

However, The Douche Hoagie had takers for the sandwich of wrong. ‘bagavad gita makes the lunch meat:

Chinstrap-to-chinpube-to-liprivet on the right completes the toasted hoagie of choad. Scrotehawk: check. Painted nails: check. Dogtag bling: check. Backpack with Grey Goose and V8 Splash: check. Then I read the T-shirt–Cock Star Army. One visit to the website (www.cockstararmy.com) showed me all I needed to see. He is the complete douche, capable of vectoring Bleeth in all directions. Hott obviously is deeply infected.

Excellent catch on the “Cockstar Army” t-shirt, B.G. A new trend that will need watching.

And Oucheday Agbay makes a strong case for Wonderbag’s purity of hott:

Leaning toward Wonderbag, if only because the other two HCs are so far gone and out in Doucheland beyond the point of no return. Whereas Wonderbag’s HC hasn’t yet fully fallen into the abyss (no lower-back tramp stamp tat, no hand gestures, etc). She’s merely corruption-in-progress instead having already been corrupted, and that makes the pic even more frustrating to witness.

Very well put O.A. But female reader oh so bella sums it up:

I’m giving it to the Easy-Bake Oven. His chick has a nice body..and he makes my uterus want to implode upon itself.

Imploding uteruses with the power of douchitude. It doesn’t get any better, and by better I mean wronger, than that.

Not sure they’ll make it to the Monthly until after the 2007 Douchies in a few weeks, but raise up the Easy-Bake hott/choad. They are your Weekly winners.

# posted by douchebag1

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