Friday, November 2, 2007

The Species Killer


This douche is a rare type.

He doesn’t just violate cultural aesthetic. He is what scientists label a “species killer.” Like an oil slick. Or a microbal plague. He causes sterility simply by breathing in proximity to a fertile female.

He is literally anti-procreation.

Ovaries spontaneously combust in his greased up presence. Fallopian tubes collapse from abject terror at even the hint of his genetic imprint.

Fertility shamans in ancient Japan commit ritual hari-kari simply witnessing his used sweatbands.

There are opposites to the Species Killer Douche. Those few with superpowers of impregnation. Like Tom Brady. Tom Brady could inseminate a field of oxen by sneezing. Tom Brady could impregnate Koko, the sterile panda in the China Zoo,simply by reminiscing about his childhood teddy bear.

# posted by douchebag1

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