Wednesday, December 19, 2007

HCwDB of the Year

Without further ado, the finalists:

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Joey Porsche


This is getting tricky, because people like Joey P. live outside any single image, and thus it becomes harder for us to determine the rules of voting.

But since most of the finalists appeared numerous times, I think it’s unavoidable that we take in the totality of doucheyness in making our selection.

This may be why The ‘Bag Islander made a courageous run, took Joey P. down to the wire based both on the strength of the perfect hott on the boat behind him and the “Bra!!” face, but still fell short.

Because the ‘Bag Islander, while a genius Monthly winning pic, is a one-off. J.P. is legend.

The Kissy Lips. The blond cutie. The “Friends.” The man tan.

The Joey Porsche Experience. From here to Acapulo, are you “adicted to wut his dic did?” Ya digggggg?

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: Donkey Douche


While the other picture of DD and his uberhott won the Monthly, this is probably the best pic for Donk to represent in the Yearly.

After crushing the capable Rooster and Crustacean, the first doucherstar of 2007 makes a well deserved appearance in the Finals.

Also the underrated qualities of this sexy Eastern European slavic cutie deserve credit.

She has the eyes of a Nadja from Warsaw, and as such, I’d WWII her bombers in every conceivable metaphor of metaphors.

In judging any HCwDB of the year winner, it is the noxious fumes of both hott and scrote that must be weighed on the yin/yang zen calibration tuning fork of life.

And on that factor alone, this pic of the Donkster represents.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Fish Slap

After a valiant effort by the Trainwreck (who came thisclose to the upset), Fish Slap took the prize in the semis and slapped his way to the finals.

As with Donk and J.P., I’ve swapped out their Monthly pic winner for what I consider to be the best selection of hottie/douchey commingling from their oeuvre.

Here we see the Slap’s frequent companion of hott on the left. And an innocent Jenny who wandered by and got caught in the oceanic cross fire.

Shaved eyebrow. Jesus bling. Forehead grease. And, as one commenter observed, the Kissy Lips without effort.

The impressive pull of that hott brings balance to the Douche Force, and renders a Finals worthy HCwDB pic.

So them’s your three. The choice isn’t easy. But it never is.

You’ve heard all the arguments. You’ve studied the boobs and the boobies.

Now you must step up and vote. Which combination of raging douche and lucious hott sets off the fire alarms in your psyche? Which pic is deserving of taking the 2007 Douchie for HCwDB of the Year?

That’s up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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