Monday, January 14, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

This was one of the tougher weeks to cull down to three finalists. We had such a wide variety of hottie/scrotey combinations last week that it’s almost unfair to elevate three to Finalist status. Especially when the grease factor was not only high, but also varied along so many scrotal categories.

In light of the loss of the Whale Squirts, our Weekly takes on new urgency. By which I mean, lets drink and mock. Drink and mock. And lust for boobies.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Bagnolia

Persian Tom Cruise has a certain extra element of douchebaggery that transcends Thetan warlords implanted in a volcano.

He is Frank T.J. Mackie by way of The Darjeeling Limited. Mission Impossible III processed through Bollywood.

The girls are cute, not the hottest of last week, but certainly the type you’d have sold your cousin to a Brazilian Fagan type to conscript into petty thievery just for the chance to rub their sundresses on your middle toes.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Brick

Some say it’s unfair to single out the pro body builder type. Their job is to look as douchey as possible, what with the orange tans and yellow g-strings.

But Brick is just too douchey to pass up. And his girl is absolutely mouth watering Skittles Taste the Rainbow flavor packed sugar packet.

Now I know what you’re thinking.

Nominating Brick for the Weekly increases the chances that Brick will bench press me into a human pretzel while I scream like a nine year old girl.

And that possibility certainly exists.

But I’m dedicated to my art. Exploring gender inversion identity crises in the age of mass media spectacle within the shared meaning structures of simulation requires me to risk bodily harm at the hands of Brickbag.

And another chance to stare at her loveliness is worth being turned into a human barbell.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Alpha Beta ‘Bagga

Normally I hate to nominate pics when there is no clearly defined hottie/douchey coupling taking place.

But the firm and spectacular female trunkajunk stands on its own two buttocks.

And the ghostly douchewanks from Pol Pot’s The Killing Fields deserve to be mocked simply for ignoring the best show this side of P.T. Barnum’s hidden late night freakshows.

And hey, lace dress things. Good times.

Honorable mentions to Dotal Touchebag and The Blowtorch, who just missed the cut.

But them’s your three.

Which of these pics has the best balance between a hot piece of boob action and a steaming pile of ectoplasmic douche residue?

Which pic demonstrates the wrong choices the young desirable female makes during her peak years of bloom?

That, my friends, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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