Wednesday, January 30, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Mr. Rebokto

PIC DELETED

A tight vote heavy on the boobies, but Mr. Rebokto’s android douchebaggery pulled ahead and took the crown in this week’s Weekly.

Sure the Paid To Post factor is high with this one. And by high, I mean hair spike.

But there’s no getting around that smug Rebokto expression, that hair from the river styx, and boobies.

Bagness of God makes the case:

I’m going to vote for Mr. Rebotko. For starters, those Elvis-wannabe sunglasses are making me leak oily discharge…or was that from eating an entire bag of Wow! chips? Damn you, Olestra!!

But more importantly, if you are that close to boobtopia and are too worried about looking like a hard-ass to smile, you deserve a hot bacon-grease enema followed by a full-body rubdown with a belt sander.

Well put, B of G. Stuporfly agrees, bringing the NKOTB references:

In honor of the rumored New Kids on the Block reuinon, my vote goes to Mr. Rebokto. It’s like a pair of 1989 North Jersey hotties fed pictures of all five members of NKOTB into a computer, ‘Weird Science’-style and came up with this douche composite.

Hangin’ tough, indeed!

Exactly, S.F. The NKOTB template was part of the 1989/1990 Grieco axis that introduced modern douchebaggery to the masses. But more about that in my book.

But the perfect singularity of The Boobermensch and her hipster toad also found support. RickyIglesiasBanderas makes the case:

So, after self-divisive internal debate, I have to go with #2. He looks like Antonio Banderas’ and Enrique Iglesias’ love-child.

That Latin-style uber-douche that dances to “I Can Be Your Hero Baby” and “Livin’ La Vida Loca” with some salsa-flamenco-tango moves in a bar in Boston… And his girl looks like she just got off the Carnivale bus from Rio. These two definitely light up the dance floor at your local sports bar every time Santana comes on during a commercial break. They look like Montezuma’s Revenge to me…

Fantastic smackdown, love child. We all know those couples, and they make me itch like crotch rash. Not that I’ve ever had crotch rash. Except that one time. With Rebokto’s mom.

eradicatoor keys in on the healthy mamms when casting in with Frosted Flake:

I’ve got to go with F Flake’s hott. She is first year high school guidance counselor hot. She’s helping me choose between Spanish 100, and Home-ec. I’m busy fiddling with my pen, and making brief eye-contact to throw her off my scent of boob staring.

Mmm. First Year Guidance Counselor Hott. I remember them well. Baron Von Goolo agrees:

While Mr. Rebokto’s arm candy is tire fire hot and Der Booberfrau is, well, nekkid, I’m voting for Frosted Flake and Angelina Alba. The way her breasteses are straining against that shirt like two puppies in a pet shop window just melts my coal black heart. Because like those puppies, if I brought them home my fair Baroness would beat me like a muleskin drum.

Yes but who wouldn’t risk a beating for those puppies? Alas, it is Rekotko’s week to shine his forehead. Masengill makes the case for Rebokto to take the douche cyborg crown:

Rebokto is douche v2.0. He is a desert guido cyborg with requisite douche cacti sprouting from his greasy fivehead. The playmate in training is sprouting the two most perfect of perfects and she is looking right at me

And Dunkterdouche agrees, bringing my favorite reference, the Lane Meyers:

There is no contest. None of the contenders make me want to smack them with an aquatic life form more than Mr Rebokto. Even if the girl is PTP, he has that look on his face that invites my fist like Lane Meyers invites chinese immigrants to race him.

Rebokto it is, but the PTP debate will carry on. But for now, lets raise this chest fruit and cyborg wrongness to the rafters and book them a ticket in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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