Wednesday, January 16, 2008

HCWDB of the Week: The Brick


It’s a landslide of bricks. A blowout for the orange body builder in the yellow thong, and the hottie brunette in my bathrobe sipping tea in my kitchen at 7 in the morning while I scratch myself and watch Sportscenter.

That is what’s she’s doing, right?

The ever present anonymous succinctly describes the appeal of the super brick doucherhero:

Brick…mainly because that pic best resembles the classic HCWDB pictures that I remember from my youth. You know, the ones that take place in some alternate universe where super hot chicks love having guys that look like Bowser stand next to them and leave the viewer questioning faith, humanity and how that guy gets into a tanning bed.

Also because the look on hott’s face is so hard to read. She’s either happy to be there, or, like the rest of us, she wants to run away.

And, c’mon, yellow underwear.

The yellow underwear in the key doucherfier of this pic. Pro-‘bag? Perhaps. But who cares. Yellow underwear. Douche.

From a site-centric perspective, Brick also holds douchsappeal. As schwagle sums it up:

f you chopped up both of the Prompas and reattached them into a single Frankendouche, then fused its DNA with that of the legendary Pumpy, I believe Brick would be the result.

Very well said, schwagy. There’s something oddly familiar about The Brick. Like we’re being revisited by the ghosts of ‘bag/hott past in super pumped up “pro” form.

But the Alpha Beta ‘Bagga hotts and ghosts got some love. And by love I mean wood. Ron Douchegay puts it:

my vote is for Alph Beta ‘Bagga because i’m voting with my dick this week

Indeed, R.D. bernard mcshaughnessy concurs, laying the brilliant Pete Dougherty smackdown on the ghostfrat:

Gotta be ABB, if only for the Wannabe Strung Out Pete Dogherty-Douche on the right. He just snorted a whole box of Vivarin and is pretending to be, “tripping balls,” as they say, in his 1996-style Joe Boxer undergarments. White trash fraternities should all be abolished.

Indeed they should. I thought ABB had a shot at one of those “alternate” HCwDB Weeklys but now I feel guilty about leaving the Blowtorch and Sloane Peterson Hott off the list.

And by guilty I mean unshowered and smelly.

Persian Tom Cruise found less mocking, but hairy prodder lays down the case for the Thetan Warlord:

Bagnolia in a landslide. Brick is probably backstage at a bodybuilder competition, which may be his profession. May not even be a douche. ABB’s are just nerds, which is why the chicks are in to each other. Bagnolia is the definition of douche, and even though it’s early, should be remembered for DBotY.

That’s some lofty expectations there, H.P. Unfortunately, like the last few Tom Cruise films, ‘Bagnolia didn’t score at the Box Office as smoothly as the insemination of Katie Holmes took place in the medical office.

Or something like that. Hey, it’s early.

So give it up to the Brick. He may never replace Pumpy, but he is orange. And he is douchey. And she is mouth watering taste-the-rainbow hott.

Raise their jerseys to the rafters and stamp that barbell.

We’ll next see these two impossibilities commingling in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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