Wednesday, January 23, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Wally Playah


You probably could tell I tipped my hand yesterday when I posted Playah #2, that this was Wally’s week to shine. And by shine, I mean forehead.

The ever present anonymous makes the case for the Wally Playah Experience:

Wally’s hott, on the other hand, has the down home Midwestern look of a gal who’s just dusted off her boobies after a long hard winter, unpacked her stilletos and is planning on the first rental limo sex of the new year.

Combine this with Playa’s two-toned sneakers, greased ballsack forehead/chest double-whammy shine, and a look that makes me want to shove him into a garbage can and kick him into oncoming traffic… and we have a weener. I mean winner.

Well put, anon, and the garbage can shoving perfectly sums up the genetic reflex upon witnessing this wrongness.

dr makes another good point, focusing in on the “single button theory:”

The detail that puts him over the high bar of doucheatude is the single button done on his jacket. I imagine that he was previously unbuttoned there, to highlight his hairless and douchetastic chest. Buttoning up for the photog makes him even more horrible.

The button is the key, well observed, dr. Accomplished ‘bag hunter batou lays the smackdown even further:

Wally reminds me of vomit. A big festering pile of puke laying in a port-a-pot just after a 3-day outdoor music festival. Anyone who wears a blazer sans-anything underneath it should be executed by firing squad, no questions asked. I’d love to be the first to give him a swirly in the above nasty-pot just for “being himself”. Which is poo.

Well done, batou. When one of the regulars goes to the vomit metaphor, you know the douche factor is high.

Poor Zero didn’t find much attention, but longtime ‘bag hunter Amerigo Vesdouchey decided to lay into his college age lameness:

I’m voting for the Zero. He might not be the biggest ‘bag, but he represents probably the most commonly sighted ‘bag in the wild.

Plus, and, more importantly, his corruption of that previously untainted Peach is a saddening catastrophe. So that’s one for the zero. He can go to hell.

Agreeing for the Zero, no country for old douchebags brings the pain:

Zero is the winner.Just the sight of him hanging out with that angel of sunshine is just inherently wrong. It’s like killing a mocking bird with a chainsaw on Oprah while singing Michael Bolton songs.You don’t do it.

And longtime reader first time caller lyndon ladouche concurs:

My vote is for the Zero. She is so milky smooth, a dove with Bambi eyes, and he is coagulated diarrhea.

Indeed, L.laD. And with the Rehabber’s getting barely any love, it was Wally’s week to sheen. ferro94-dread pirate cash brings the Fast Times and Ridgemont for the final smackdown:

White sneaks.

No shirt.

Total douche.

So in honor of the late Heath Ledger, whose work as the Joker looks great, I dedicate this week of Wally Playah mocking.

Wally, we salute your innovative douchography, and we’ll see you in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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