Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ask DB1


The Douchigal Son writes in regarding the challenges of Youthbaggery:

—-
DB1,

I am a young forming mind and body of nineteen and I can’t help but feel I am slipping off the tightrope of decency.

I used to be a very tactful and amiable guy, but as of late I seem to be becoming welled up in arrogant defense-mechanismy indolent ambition and lust for the ‘hott’. Such ambition alienates my friends, and such hott-lust takes up more than acceptable thoughtspace.

I went to a club last night and pulled s#@t I never thought my appendages could do. I went up behind dancing hotts and proceeded to surreptitiously grope them or attempt to grind. I ditched my kindly friend to search for more ‘acceptable’ gropage.

I realize it is at more of a creeper stage as I am so far able to withhold feigning confidence. I did however bust out the acting chops and pretend to be having fun dancing to attract an orient-a-hott. Is douchitude the letting go or ‘putting-off’ the as of yet frustratingly unyielding idealism?

I am scared,
The Douchigal Son

—-

Do not be scared, D.S. The urge to woo with the woo-hotties is one that grips us all like musty cheetos on the fingers. For female readers, the urge to bump-n-grind like rhesus monkeys on crack occasionally overtakes even the shrewdest of hotties in the presence of a greased up and shaved douche-chest.

The purging of The ‘Bag Within is a challenge we all face in our attempts to woo the boobie, and the boobies face to resist their inexplicable attraction to bling and crusty foreheads.

One must realize that there is no end game, no conclusion, no finish line. We are all in process. We are always examining and reexamining the over caffeinated spectacle of purchased identity in this age of media saturation multitasking hyper-stimulation simulation.

Know this.

In the land when the image is king, challenging the image becomes a revolutionary act.

We all will occasionally douche out in service of chasing the thigh-suckle worthy hott. The challenge is to reach a state of awareness. To see the spectacle for what it is. And push for that higher truth.

Only then will the douche simulacrum cease its cacophonous noise spectacle once and for all.

# posted by douchebag1

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