Monday, February 11, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

These are three great candidates. And by great I mean a vile mix of cultural wrongness commingling with sexy perky boobage. In other words, the perfect Yin/Yang of hott/scrote wrongness.

But if you’re looking for the burnt redness of Millennium ‘Bag, scroll down. I gave him a bump directly to the Monthly. And by bump, I mean crimson.

So who gets to face off with Rusty in the Monthly? Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The ‘Bagnana Daiquiri

Uberscrotage can always be sussed out by the noxious display of the Ab Reveal.

Combine that with chin dribble, the ubiquitous white belt, and a pointy ‘hawk that could impale a leaping river salmon in mid-jump, and it’s Douche-Con 1.

Then factor in three ladies from the temp agency down the street on their night off, and it’s all sorts of wrongness.

But there’s one factor that makes the ‘Bagnana a serious competitor.

The hint of the groin-tatt poking over the belt.

Gross. Very gross.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Pincushion


Uhm, yeah.

Uberboobies.

Chin piercing from hell.

Hair that Clive Barker wrote horror books about.

So why am I still yammering on?

Because the boobies inspire me.

The belly button piercing focuses my muse.

And the hair makes me spit up griddle cakes.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Deathtongue

We’ve featured many gorgeous women on this site, but rare is the hott that makes me want to cut out my kidney with a rusty spoon.

Deathtongue’s Quartasian hott is one that does.

She is inspiring.

He is your rank small town college guitar playing business majoring uberdouche.

He’s not a pro-douche, which makes the pic even more heinous.

He is Deathtongue. He has rhinestones in his shirt.

And she is perfection.

I will now sucker punch a dwarf.

So them’s your three. Three extremely worthy candidates. This is one of the toughest Weeklys in awhile, and that’s why I depend on you.

Which combo of rightness and wrongness is the perfect mix of grease and boob to rise to the level of victor?

That is up to you. Cast your vote by posting, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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