Wednesday, February 13, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Deathtongue


Deathtongue in a lickslide.

Unlike the waxen burnt atrocity that is Millennium ‘Bag, this Weekly winner errs on the side of quartasian hott perfection. As Amerigo Vesdouchey knows, Sloane Peterson will always set the standard:

Deathtoungue.

She is Sloane Peterson and Princess Lily (from ‘Legend’) roled up in one great ball of Hott. Not coincidentally, both roles were played by the same actress.

Young Mia Sara. The Hott of Hots by which all others are measured. But this is not to say that amateur pud isn’t scrote enough to hold up his side of the equation. As the everpresent anonymous hits the tongue on the head:

gotta be deathtongue.

he’s not the blatant douchenozzle of BG or the “i lost a bet” douchetard of Pinhead, but there’s something a little sneaky about his douchiness. If you saw him in a club, you might not want to immediately hit him in the head with a trashcan. but doing what he’s doing shows a whole lot of contempt for and a little misogynistic hatred a la Pepe le Pew (kudos to whoever said that first) of the hottest hott i’ve seen on this site.

Well put, anon. Bagadoucheous agrees:

Now I take a deep sigh and a dry heave and talk about Deathtongue. Unf@#king real. The sheer dichotomy of this picture makes it the clear winner. Miles above the rest. It is the absolute definition of this site. Scrote/hott at it purest most disgusting form.

I just stabbed myself in the neck with a fork. I just shaved my pupils down with a nail file. Thats how beutiful this woman is and how disgusted I am to see her with him. The angel and the devil. This picture is deep with meaning. It represents the human race and our relationship with God. The fact that she acts as if he is not even there makes it everything. Uggg. Please kill me.

Yikes. Someone check and make sure Bagadoucheous is okay.

But lets not forget our 2nd and 3rd place finalists. McDouche makes the case for the somewhat overlooked boob/scrote ratio of The Pincushion:

Pincushion gets my vote. Do you realize how many hours and money he probably spent on that gay hair and “bag” of piercings and have it all culminate with him being one step away from induction into the DB Hall of Fame?

Hall of Scrote mentions may be a bit much, since P.C. can’t even win a Weekly, but I agree the hair is award winning. And her boobs are marshy-mallowy.

And the ever present anonymous urges us not to forget the atrocities that is the ‘Bagnana Dacquiri:

‘Bagnana Daiquiri. I know the Deathtongue has the hottest girl, but that peaking groin tat. Seriously, that’s the nastiest thing I’ve seen in a long time. I’m scared to know what that ‘tat really is.

Yup. The groin tatt is wretched. But it’s the ‘Tongue’s week to lick.

As Talayatu eloquently puts in:

Deathtongue… there’s a message there, a story, an allegory, like in medieval iconography. He is just SO douchey (and an irono-douche too, probably, my least favorite kind) and she is just SO classic. Just look at how different their manners are, look at the differing expressions, they exist in the same space but not, by any means, the same place.

Quartasian hott exists in a realm of pure hott goodness and decency, and Deathtongue belongs to the douchey scum of the earth. Quartasian hott is with the douche but not of it.

He is Mordor; she is Lothlorien. Yes, I will stand by my Tolkien reference thank you very much. Deathtongue for the win.

Stand by that LOTR ref there, Talayatu. For Deathtongue and his Quartasian are a deserving winner.

Raise their wrongness to the winner’s circle, and we’ll see them take on the Moulin Rouge in the Monthy.

# posted by douchebag1

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