Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Crustacean: Hall of Scrote '08


Welcome the first inductee to the Hall of Scrote for 2008, The Crustacean. Although there is another strong candidate likely emerging in the next few weeks (I give you one Crimson guess).

While it wasn’t a unanimous vote for the Crust, like it was for, say, The Prompas, it was a strong win, and by win I mean Puma armband. A win aided by the power of the Rainbow Boobie Hott.

As Mitch Meats puts it:

My metric for these is comparing the current nominee against the latest 10 or so inductees and whether or not he can out-douche enough of them, as it were.

We can see that with time, enshrinement in the Hallowed Hall has required increasing nausea as the virus has mutated into ever more ridiculous vectors of self-parody. How could a modern-day tepid scrote along the lines of Socrates ever hope to be counted among the greats like Donkey Douche? Sure, there are aberrations here or there, but overall the level of grease and chin fungus required has steadily climbed since the creation of the Hall.

I believe the bile contained in this one picture (thanks to Fruit Stripes pushing it over the edge) is greater than the entire oeuvre of the STDs and Peaches combined. The fact that Crusty is also in the same crowd as HBT, Bree, and Fish Slap in real life just seals the deal. I vote yea.

Well said, MM.

Danny Noonan, in rejecting Judge Smails’ ditch digger soliloquy, agrees:

When we reduce this website to it’s essence, this is what is left over. Ridiculous hotts and a vomit-inducing, epileptic-seizure inducing, sever-your-own achilles-due-to awe-inspiring-anger, douchebag. Crusty is a repeat offender and belongs with his peers, DD, Gator, FishSlap, Peaches, and the rest.

Crusy FTHoS.

Indeed he does, D.N. As Douche Vader puts it:

I consider myself a guardian/curmudgeon when it comes to the HoS. I hate to say it watered down, and think it should be reserved only for the scrotiest of scrote. Usually, I vote nay.

That said, hells yeah, Crusty should be in there. I mean, look at him. He’s everything to be despised in a DB, but on steroids.

However, Minnescrota makes the opposite argument, saying The Crust doesn’t quite rise to the level of legend:

This Douche is kind of like the Keith Hernandez of Scrote. He’s full-on solid Douche, but doesn’t have a signature move, i.e. reverse shocker with a counterclockwise swirl. I let my gut decide this one for me, I axed myself, would I Doucheambeau this Choad right in the nuts? Yes, I would. Would I drive to Daytona Beach to do it, NO I wouldn’t.

I axed myself the same thing about Gator-bag, and I answered affirmatively both times. I’d even pay for Gator’s first class ticket to Daytona so that I could meet him down there and in the ultimate irony kick him in the nuts with a my sweet Gator kicks.

That’s how I know the Crustacean isn’t ready for the Hall.

Well argued, Minn. But like many in the Hall, you don’t have always have to be a first ballot to get in.

Sammy Hagar high-notes it down for us:

The Crustacean is not one to be forgotten. I don’t want to see him spending eternity wandering in douchey purgatory. He defines douche. He emits douche. He is legend.

Let’s put him in the Hall so hopefully young women of the future will be lucky enough to point at his abs.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 15 + 14 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)