Monday, March 24, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

Your narrator in all things teat-party/Declaration of Scoadependence, The DB1, spent the weekend recovering from a nasty cold/flu, dazed out of his mind on the couch, and half consciously watching bad teen comedy movies on TBS.

But even in my Nyquil inspired daze, I still realized that Rob Schneider’s The Hot Chick was like a root canal to the soul.

That being said, my comments may be brief today, so pick up the slack and help me soldier on through. The good news is this is an excellent Weekly. And by excellent, I mean basic cable has too many commercials.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Inflation ‘Bag

The only downside of this otherwise perfect blending of hott, inflatadouche and creepy, hilariously awkward embrace, is the vaguely porny feeling we get.

I try to disqualify porn couples from contention, as calling them out for being greasy combos of hott/douche is like calling out the Quakers for being wussies who can’t take a beating.

Yeah, you, Quakers.

I’m talking about your mom.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Kid Scrote aka Two Boobs

Baw wit da baw, de bang de bang douchey douchey douchey,
Say that ‘baggy, said up jump the ‘baggy.

He’s like the Travelling Wilberry, if you merged Jeff Beck, Tom Petty, Roy Orbison, Kid Rock, and a gallon of southern douche grease into one person.

Then again, he’s kinda sweet. Underneath all that scruff and giant mandana, there’s just a kid who wants to rock.

She is down home key lime pie goodness, but in that inflated artificial sweetener, kind of way. Like Key Lime Pie with Olestra.

And boobs.

And a curve on her back that could melt ice and punch kittens in the snout.

Stupid cute kitten snout.

You deserved that punch, stupid cute kitten snout.

I have nothing else to add to this pic.

But since it takes up so much space on the page, I’ll keep rambling. Besides, my Dayquil hasn’t yet kicked in.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Saturday Yo aka Yo-Yo ‘Bag
PIC DELETED

I don’t think I realized the stealth power of this pic when I ran it on Saturday.

But really, getting back to basics, is there anything worse in a hottie/douchey coupling then what’s going on right here?

The sweet, innocent cutie with the crooked smile?

Yo MTV Douches, busting the worst hand gesture since Bob Dole let go of his pencil and tried to boogie at the USO dance?

Yup. The DB1 is cracked up on cold medications.

And them’s your three. This should be a tough contest. Any one of these three could win. But which one will?

Make your votes known, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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