Monday, March 17, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Drunk Irish Edition

You know how they say to live each day like it’s your last? I spent yesterday scratching myself, eating HoHos and watching TV.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Retarded Spider

Any ‘bag who invents a new hand maneuver while simultaneously looking like the lost Wilson brother, Douchey Wilson, deserves Finalist status.

Then we factor in the sexy furry hoodie look, with just that hint, that garnish if you will, of boobal perfection, and the dichotomy is perfect.

And where are these two?

It’s like a rustic 19th century schoolhouse in northern Minnesota.

I can almost make out the 19th Century graffiti on the wall. It reads: Jamison’s books smell like grout.

Because those rural Minnesotan school kids in the 1890s sure knew how to lay the smack down.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Small Package

Originally I titled this pic “Do You Know Why His Ego Is So Big?”

But that’s a bit unwieldy.

So I’ve come up with the incredibly subtle, linguistically playful “Small Package” moniker.

Because hey. Small package.

She is a delectible Swedish lemon drop of vacuousness.

A white shirt blank slate onto which I will project all my deepest, darkest fantasies.

We would play Parchezee until dawn.

Then munch on gummi bears.

Then she would crush me to death using her superpower thighs.

And I would like it.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Stamos ‘Bag

There’s something hilarious about this chin strap facial hair configuration. It peters out right around the jawline, only to regain confidence as it approaches the chin.

That, plus the bling, tie and eyebrow, give Stamosbag finalist status.

Daddy’s Daughter is out for a night on the town, and she has chosen the Greekbag.

She knows not what she does.

And that, as in any great HCwDB pic, is what drives our collective judgment.

So them’s your three.

Dishonorable mention to The Hangnail from Friday’s Haiku. Also I’m knocking out The Pro from consideration as professional douchebaggery just isn’t quite the same as amateur scrotitude in action.

Now stop yer bitchin’ that these three pics aren’t as powerful as last week’s Monthly. This is only the Weekly. Rare is the pinnacle vortex of hott/douche that was last week’s Monthly.

So lets bring it on back to reality and pick a winner. And by winner, I mean loser. Today, as we honor the land of James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, Sinead O’Connor and uberdouche Colin Farrell, by drinking beer with green dye in it, lets vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 7 + 8 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)