Wednesday, March 19, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: The Small Package


In a surprising upset after early voting showed The Retarded Spider in the lead, The Small Package managed to pull out the HCwDB of the Week victory. And by victory, I mean societal suffrage. snoop douchey bagg goes townie on his ass:

Small Package gets my vote for resembling every jerk-off who hangs around Providence RI (the Triple-A league of douchebaggery, just an IROC drive away from the majors) on Saturday night.

Ah, yes. Providence. An enclave of scrote, if not so much hott.

douchefinity agrees, even with the power of The Retarded Spider’s blonde boobyness:

Retarded Spider certainly has a superior Hott, but the expression of small package is just to douchey to ignore.

Small Package it is.

Yes it is,douchefinity. lone scrote mcquade agrees:

The only one here that inspires any rage for me is Small Package. We’ve all known a guy like him. His previously mentioned complex of being too short (no pun intended) will force him into creeping out a few chicks. Then, once he realizes he’s getting nowhere, he’ll pick a fight with some relatively harmless dude. Scrotefucks like him shouldn’t be allowed in public after 9PM.

When I look at Amazon McBlondiecurls, I think UCLA women’s volleyball.

Mmm… UCLA girls volleyball girls. Very choice.

But douchedeville reminds us that new hand gestures should not be ignored, casting in for The Retarded Spider:

Retarded spider FTW. He just stumbled out of a Star Trek movie and although he’s high on ecstasy he is trying hard to duplicate Mr.Spock’s hand gesture but he can’t do it so it translates to Live Long and Be a Crippled Douchebag. His hott can try my phaser though.

Any sexual entendre involving phasers is so dorky, it merits a sort of respect. Good work, D.de V. And the well monikered i drink your doucheshake agrees:

Smug creep trounces paleolithic tool any day. The retard spider FTW!

Coming in a distant third, but with support, was Stamosbag. miss merry sunshine makes the argument for creepy Full House 1980s sitcom douchery:

Stamos ‘Bag get my vote. He icks me out to no end…the others I just feel sorry for. He looks like the kind of guy that would grab your crotch and think you would then marry him. Effing gross.

Gross indeed. But The Big Ego on the The Small Package was too douchey to ignore. schwagle makes the case:

Most douches today have the option of playing off their douche look as “style”. But this guy has no such retreat option. Due largely to his shirt, he projects a deafening roar of “I know I’m awesome” to everyone in a 3-mile radius, though the pitch at which he does it is only hearable by dogs. He has a look on his face that I cannot even accurately describe in words. Yes, his douchiness is beyond the scope of the English language. Factor in that, in a rare feat, his face is more oily than his hair (both of which put the Middle East to shame), and you have my vote for this week’s Weekly winner (and by winner, I mean poo).

And iutodd reminds us that the laughability factor is also an important part of any Hottie/Douchey pic:

Small Package only because the picture made me laugh. The ridiculousness of this picture is classic HCwDB.

And the ever-present anonymous takes it home for the Package:

What can Brown do for you? He can leave a Small Package at the door to the Weekly Winner’s Lounge.

So lets scrape off our collective shoes and reserve a place for the Vacuous Amazon and the Squat Package in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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