Monday, April 7, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

This was a tough week to cull down into three finalists, and I’m sure some won’t agree with the choices. But this ain’t based on alchemy, it’s based on alchy. Yes, that was a horrible joke. I’m now going to do penance by eating another bowl of Frosted Flakes.

But I have an excuse for lame puns. I’m sitting on my floor, scratching myself, hungover after karaoke and PBRs last night. So, without further ado, here’s your finalists for the last Weekly winner before next week’s Monthly:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Yak

Gorgeous blonde ball of hott. Ass pimple.

As with every great hottie/douchey pic, it is the Yin/Yang polarity between scrotal assface and lusty boobage that creates aesthetic revelation and intellectual revolution. And tasty fruit roll-ups.

On the basis of these counts, The Yak has a very delicate and nuanced balance.

For those who argue that The Yak’s doucheyness isn’t matched by the hottness, I give you one factor:

Spiked hair + sideburns.

Very, very lame.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Tighty Armani

Tighty Armani, which would’ve had a cleverer name if I wasn’t already tipsy last Friday, matches The Yak for perfect wrongness of uberhott and uberdouche.

That’s two hot blondes in a row, and I’m more of a brunette fan. But they are both delicious.

T.A. brings a punchable friend, on the right, and a girl who appears to be making the dual upside down middle finger hand gesture, or what I like to call, The “Can you hear this? Maybe I should turn it up?” Breakfast Club maneuver.

And then there’s the chinstrap.

All chinstrap facial configurations should be shaved with a rusty shank spoon found in the dirt outside Shawshank.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: 2001: A Space Douche

I struggled with whether to give this space/time traveling astronaut of ass and his two uberhotts a shot, as the “pro” nature of the pic makes me wary.

Yet Lime Green Astronaut Hitler makes me want to punch a ferret in the lower intestine. Plus, as perfect counterweight, the model hotts are milkshakes of straw sucking delight.

So I had to give it a shot, “pro douche” or not.

That watch. How am I supposed to live in a world where assfaces wear giant wristwatches on their arm making the sideways peace sign, and mandana on the other?

Club promoter? More like DOUCHE promoter.

Heh. I’m clever today.

Honorable mention to the Exxon Valdouche oil spill and The Blowfish, who both missed the cut by thismuch.

Yes, it was a tough week. And these finalists are all quite worthy.

But which one will it be?

That’s up to you, the ‘bag hunters. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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