Monday, April 28, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

Coming off a strong Weekly last week, we have another choice selection of hott/choad offered up like the Sunday buffet at HoJos. Last week, the vile Turd Flush rode the power of dual slutt-hott energy to a grown up fecal triumph. Over Dog, no less.

This week? Who knows which of these three couplings will rise to victory and book a spot in the HCwDB Monthly. That’s up to you.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Johnny Pirate

Originally titled “Why There is No Hope for Mankind,” this Malthusian vision of a world where our food supplies have run out and godlessness reigns in the form of uberdouche paints a dark future for all of us.

But I needed to identify this Red Bull swilling choad, and so I knight thee “Johnny Pirate.”

And let us not forget innocent Neve Campbell sweetness. And no, I will not make the standard “Party of Five” masturbation joke. Because this is not 1999. This is not my beautiful car.

Ambiguously Asian Pixie displays her wonderful underarm shaving technique. That thing is smoother than a rabbit’s ass after being microwaved.

What, like you’ve never microwaved a live rabbit before.

Come on. 10th grade? What, you blocked it?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Miami Scammy

There’s such an incoherent miasmal stench to this pic, that I had to give it its shot in the Weekly.

Yes, “miasmal” is a word. Google it.

That smug, DeVry Technical Institute douchal expression. The double freaking belt, fer chrissakes.

As to the girl, I dispute with anyone that, underneath all that garishness, she isn’t a cutie. With arching back and sweet face, hers is a sexy young plaything buried in a mountain of brandname douchery.

And if we’re not here to find the essence of genetic hottness buried under a mountain of scrotal layering, then I don’t know what.

Because we are a shallow and petty people.

And the boobie does not lie. It just misleads, like a shifty numbers runner from the Bronx named Benny Blanco.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Pippy

Even though I got a takedown email from the brunette in that last Pippy pic, I refuse to admit defeat for this choad. While it is true that the ‘bag hunters in the comments thread felt Pippy may not feature enough adouchrements to qualify for finalist status, I’d argue otherwise.

I give you the douche-face.

And yes, my undying humpty hump for Sultry Ski Bunny of Perfection (SSBP) is a factor here. Large forehead? Perhaps. Uncanny resemblance to a young Drew Barrymore? Mayhap.

But I would still juggle koala bears in Rhodesia just for the chance to meet the Shaman who once removed the evil spirits of a Tiki hut occupied by her great aunt.

And I refuse to back down on Pippy. He is choad.

But choad enough to win HCwDB of the Week?

That, my friends, is not up to me. It is up to you. Honorable mention to Cowpoke, who just misssed the cut.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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