Wednesday, April 23, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: The Turd Flush


One of the most balanced, and toughest, Weeklys we’ve had in awhile, created a brilliant and hilarious comments thread. Kudos to all the ‘bag hunters who raised their voices of outrage and mock to parse the hott/douche dialectic with rapier wit and raging id.

But in the end the power of Turd Flush’s vacant stare and blonde’s incredible side boob were too much to overcome. carl lazlo makes the case:

Turd Flush. I think it should be noted that I fear the ramifications of this breed of bag. He seems to be a Zombie-Bag or 28 bags later douche. That skin color can only be produced with douche sweat, eye-liner and prolonged excusrions into the tanning bed.

He is indeed the Zombie Turd. In upsetting the power of uberdouche that is The Dog, Turd Flush came up with a mighty win. mitch meats explains:

If Dog were with any other woman in the known universe, he would be a shoe-in. But, alas, it must be Turd Flush. His vacant gaze sees the nipple on my soul.

And colostomy bag explains how the toxic swirl of hott and turd commingled to win:

The Turd Flush, on the other hand, actually has some hotts, albeit slutty ones. He inspires the more conventional feelings of rage and disgust, but on much higher levels than any other of the more recent entries. In fact, if anyone ever truly deserved the status of “colostomy bag”, it would be Turd Flush.

Yes it would, CB.

Like Hagler-Leonard, this is a controversial win that will be discussed for many a month. The Dog is so beyond regular douche, a couple of intrepid readers discovered that if you google “cocaine” and click on images, you’ll find the Dog snorting away.

That’s gotta be one of the signs of the douchepocalypse right there. But in addition to Dog’s support, the Prince of Pud nearly pulled this thing out in a huge upset. g0dluvsugly explains:

without a doubt. prince of pud. he has the intent and he has the hott. the chin strap. the chest flex. the shocker. the fauxhawk. the disparate ‘bag-to-hot ratio. this pic lacks nothing.

But fret not, in the 2008 Douchies, methinks Dog, and possibly even the Prince, may merit Douchies for their unique contributions to ending our cultural worth while polluting girls along the way.

Alas, only one could emerge. And it was the Flushed Poo of Turd.

As all choads lead to rome puts it:

Turd Flush – because people with no talent in life have to try twice as hard to prove they are worthwhile. At the club, they may seem to be attractive, successful sex mongers, but all I see is a BA in English, 2 months of community college, and a beauty school drop out.

Well described, ACLTR. Give it up to the Turd Flush, and we’ll see him in the Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1

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