Monday, May 19, 2008

HCwDB of the Month

Here it is, folks. The Monthly smackdown. The moment when the best/worst of the hott/douche square off in a winner-take-all greasefest. But while your humble narrator all things vulvic/horrific, The DB1 is recovering from his own weekend of hott saving and douche mocking, now is your chance to step in and render a verdict.

Which of these four couplings are toxic enough to be called HCwDB of the Month? Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Canker Twins

Having bested (worsted?) the surrealist dada photographic masterpiece that is Still Life with Coors Light, The Canker Twins are bringing their dual-douche power to the Monthly.

Sure the hotts are douchebaguettes.

But that tiny one still offers many qualities that I respect deeply on an intellectual and spiritual level.

You know you’d sell your second cousin to a kinky postal officer from Kentucky just for the chance to fondle her former accountant’s office supplies. Even tatted up post-Rehab Amy Winehouse has a bit of boobuous talent.

But really, the Cankers are the draw. Dual shaved heads? Yeesh.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Bra!!

Trivia Question: Where did Bra’s great grandparents emigrate from?

Answer: Brohemia.

What’s Bra’s favorite song in “Rent”?

Answer: La Vie Broheme.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Bra!! has become iconic in his short time on this site. Not only that, his dual star-tatts and variety of tasty cola beverages, as well as collection of spring break hotts, have already won him a spot in our hallowed Hall of Scrote.

But do not let these facts influence you.

Many in the HoS have gone on to lose a Monthly. Hall of Scroters earn entry for originality and innovation as much as for horrific greasing of the hotts. So is Bra!! a broheim enough to win the Monthly, brosky?

Broheim!! Another Pepsi!!

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Turd Flush

Rarely do humanoid excrements walk among us, but when they do, they pollute the hotts as badly as Turd Flush has.

So we must mock their racoon eyes, sneery sneer and douchey everything.

The slutt hotts are all that is great about a sexually free society, and all that is wrong at the same time.

For that, I love them.

I pledge them my first born.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Pippy

Who are we kidding?

Pippy has about as much chance of winning the Monthly as Blondie does of going back to school and finishing her Liberal Arts degree.

Not gunna happ’n.

I don’t mean to influence the vote, because I actually think Pippy has that noxious “everybag” quality that patrols the clubs and stinks up the universe in the process.

But against Turd Flush, Bra!! and The Canker Twins, even with the uberhottness of Sultry Ski Bunny Perfection, he’s got it tough.

She is delightful, though. I would most certainly snowboard over a pack of cute little kitteny kitten wittens in front of a class of horrified third graders just for the chance to get yelled at by her former teacher.

But don’t let me sway the voting.

Which of these four is worthy of the Monthly? That, my friends, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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