Wednesday, May 21, 2008

HCwDB of the Month: Bra!!


As if there could be any doubt.

Burnsy hits the nail on the head: Bra. Never has a ‘Bag done so much with so little and said so much by saying nothing.

I think that’s what captures the scrotal spirit of Bra’s ridiculousness.

Bra!! is everybag, yet ubersquat. It is generic, yet highly specific. It is standard Floridian beach douche, yet it is also the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like a Pepsi.

Red Cup Diaries explains:

While the other contestants ooze scrote juice so much they want to make me punch a baby. But while they are adorned in the gross regalia of douchebaggery it’s all just an accesory to emphasize their scrotieness. Bra on the other hand doesn’t wear his baggery like a costume. He wears it like a skin. His baggery is a living organism that is much a part of him as a kidney.

It was an overwhelming Bramination:

boatbutter: Broheim, it’s gotta be Bra, bro!
Charles Bra!!nson: If I were alive I’d vote for Bra!!
Ol’ Dirty Douchebag: He. Has. No. Trousers. Bra FTW.
Lord Douchemunguous: Just when I think there’s no answer, I see that damn facial expression on the High King of Broheim, and I know it has to be… Bra! FTW.

However, as much as Bra!! dominated the voting, the others found support. 92bpms makes the case for The high stenchosity of the Canker Twins:

But I can’t give it to Bra, as much as everything about him is the douche, I just can’t. Not when the Canker Twins walk this earth. For they are douches far beyond our comprehension. Their hotts have been seduced by the douche side and yet we would still rest our chins upon their awesome boobage much like the two hotts are doing. The Twins sandwich their hotts and cast side-eyed glances.

To the Dogon of Mali this is the representation made flesh of their sacred stars, Sirius A and Sirius B (binary stars which we know of as the dog star). In this the Dogon foresee the return of the little blue douches that once lived in the dwellings high up on the cliffs of the Bandiagara escarpment. Soon the Niger river will be booming with the sound of trance, pontoon boats will be tied together and affliction t-shirts will be worn by all men. Meanwhile the Canker Twins will return to Pro Clips for a trim of their Vanilla Ice lines.

Well said, 92. And Kyle Scrote Jr. explains the Pipster’s pure-douche rage:

Pippy FTW.

He walks with a elemental, boiled-down-to-its-bare- essence douchosity that just makes me want to walk on his face for 9 innings in Douchetin Pedroia’s spikes.

And lets not forget the perfection of Sexy Sky Bunny. She is glorious.

massengill explains why the rage of Turd Flush should trump Bra!!’s fratdouchey ways:

I don’t really dislike Bra all that much. Yes, he looks like a tool in many of his pictures. Yes, his sense of humor probably consists of quoting “Old School.” But he just doesn’t seem like that bad of a guy. Plus, I love his love of soda pop.

Turd Flush FTW. He is a real douche. A douche’s douche. Accessorizing with the mandana and accessorizing his mandana with sunglasses: that is compound douchedom.

But Bra!! is legend, and we must all respek. As viva la revolucion puts it:

I have seldom seen anyone embrace unbridled scrotebaggery the way Bra does. While the other three contenders make valiant efforts to mask their lack of communal worth through the facade of meaninglessness, the mocking contempt with which Bra pulls off the quintessence of the douche belies a force heretofore unseen on this site. It would be a crime to vote against such a raging maelstrom of scroticity.

And Old ‘Bag Eyes Frank Scrotnatra sums it up:

The smirk, the stars, the liter of cola.

Simply Bra.

Bra FTW.

A well earned double star tatt victory, and we’ll see Bra!! in the yearly, broheim.

# posted by douchebag1

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