Tuesday, May 27, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Boobs

It’s a mamtastic Weekly, with firm baby feeding gazangas of pure Poland Spring sparkling skinwater, matched up with three of the greasiest choadbuckets this side of a KFC waste relay station.

This really is a tough contest. I can’t figure out which’ll win. And so I’ll shut my yapping preamble and turn it over to our finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Bagwatch Nights

Beach scenes are harder to rank on the scrotal douche factor because, unlike clubs, dorms and restaurants, beach choads have a legitimate excuse to be shirtless.

But, in this case, the grease/tan factor goes up to 11. And so we find uberdouche.

He is a Jersey toxic waste dump personified.

Smug pout. Perfectly coiffed hair. Fake tan on a real beach.

And the flipside — boobs.

Succulent throw pillows whose gravity defying succulence provide hope for all those homeless thespians who flunked out of Juilliard.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Smearkat

What boobs this pic are the boobuousness of the dialectic between boobs, gender construction and boobs.

Cultural theorist Judith Butler often remarks on how the beboobsing of societal hiearchical boobuousness is boobsy beboobs.

It is important to boobs the larger cultural iterations, while beboobsing the boobs with a pancake and a large whisk.

Note her beboobsed boobsings, and also her boobuous boobosity.

Boobs.

Boobs.

Boobs.

Boobs.

Boobs.

And a huge douche.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Kelly Hott and The Paw

Kelly Hott is all that is All-American cheerleader Brundlefly spliced with all that is naughty stripper hott.

She is the two Marys, Virgin and Slutt. Ginger and Mary-Anne. All in one perfect, soft Downey Fresh cottony pillowy dreamscape of ginger bread cookies and velveteen fog.

He requires a massive ass kicking by a coked up Mr. T.

God damn, this is a power-packed Weekly.

All three of these pics pack that roundhouse kick to the synapses that make a great HCwDB combo.

Which combo of sexy and douchey wrong most makes you want to pour sulfuric acid into your eyes to stop the pain of cultural Fail?

That, my friends, is up to you. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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