Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Jesus Criss


Celebudouche is always hard to quantify.

Does being famous inform scrotal facepuddery? Or is the need to shave patterns in the chin pubes and dress like a name brand refugee merely the mark of narcissistic ambition writ literal?

Pictured here we have noted scrotal prestidigitator, Criss Angel. We’ve previously seen Angel douching it up on the site here and here.

If John Mayer is conceptual douche, Criss Angel is the physical manifest. The Ghost of Douchemas future.

Mayerbag and Angelbag thus operate by what I like to term the Mangelbag Principle: the polarities at either end of the celebuscrotal spectrum that work in concert to spray putridude across our pop-culture wasteland.

Mayerbag embodies douchebag attitude as “sensitive irony” and without physical mark (until he added the sleeve tatts). Criss Angel is the inverse. Douche Manifest. Assbaggery gone supernova.

Between Mayerbag and Angelbag, we find the entire spectrum of celebutard paradigm. Scrotal performance in service of macking on Hollywood’s Five Easy Pieces (Simpson, Hilton, Spears, Lohan, Kardouchian).

And within their rainbow skittles of performative designer brand fakery, lies the entire paradigm that influences the mass replication of viral rankpooery.

Which is a roundabout way of saying he sucks.

h/t Go Fug Yourself

# posted by douchebag1

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