Thursday, May 1, 2008

Six Boobs

In pondering the shifting pop-culture winds, there are always two reliable barometers of douchery in celebriland.

Firstly, the Ryan Seacrest Follicle Above Forehead (FAF) factor. Has it moved higher? Lower? Frosted? Lightly sculpted with moose oils? The Seacrest FAF is the atomic clock of douchebaggery. It tells douche to the exact microfiber.

Secondly, there’s the John Mayer Ironic-Cool Desperate Physical Change of the Month. In this month’s example, Mayerbag makes a sad attempt to look like Styles from Teen Wolf.

Mayberbag remains the plastic toy in the Happy Meal of Scrote.

Like tracking any outbreak or pandemic, there is much mutation. Tracking douche on the macro “celeb” level gives insight into the constant ability for the douche to dodge on the micro level.

Be sure to swat at it repeatedly with conceptual flexibility. For in that moment of schism, of break from the mutation into revelation of scrotalogical evidence, you liberate a hott and a boobie gets its wings.

# posted by douchebag1

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