Monday, June 23, 2008

HCwDB of the Month

Last month’s winner was the mighty Bra!!, who rode a bevy of hotts and tasty cola beverages to victory. Who will win this month’s Monthly and take their slot in the Yearly during the 2008 Douchies in December?

That, fellow ‘bags, hotts, ‘bag hunters and albino midgets, is up to you.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Smearkcat

Now you might say a vote for the Smearkat is a vote for large succulent tatas that could feed a small army of hungry babies.

And you’d be right.

But lets not discount the power of grease-scrote at work in the simultaneous kissy face, exploding grease hair and stupid-ass tie.

The douche is high in this one.

As with every Monthly winner, the hott and choad must commingle in a noxious stench of wrong. A steaming poo-pile of all that rots our collective soul from within.

The Smearkat accomplishes this on all fronts.

And by fronts, I mean “look between the two giant melons.”

Hug me.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Zippy The Scrotehead

Zippy clearly won the HCwDB of the Week on the power of sultry aristocratic upper west side Lacy Underalls Hottness.

But, as with the Smearkat, Zippy’s scroteyness can’t be understated.

While he first appeared to be a hippie Bennington ultimate frisbee playing tool, the signs of a deeper douchosity are unmistakable.

The star tatts.

The hair fro.

The wristdanna.

And Jr. Ubiquitous Red Cup.

Note her hand on his stomach. This is real deal hottie/douchey wrongness, no PTP (Paid to Pose) artificiality. Thus, it is stomach punch wrong.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Truman Coyote

This pic grows on my soul like a fetid pollen.

It hurts.

At first the pic kind of appeared on the site, but didn’t make a huge ripple. But this dude with a weaker chin than Ed Norton has grown with every subsequent viewing.

And while I’m not a fan of the Reese Witherspoon uber-wasp hotts, blonde is delightful.

Her curves are fantastic.

His tatt + underwear is pollutant.

The EPA just called. They’re declaring this a something something… you get where I’m going with that one.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Metaphysical Hooligan

The strongest candidate, and the odds on favorite to win the Monthly.

But is the hott enough? Yesterday’s pic argues absolutely. I find spitfire Italians who would scream at me and embarrass me in restaurants to be all sorts of exciting.

But can Carly compete with Lacy Underalls, Reese Hotterspoon or Boobsy McBoobs?

Or does the stench of shirtless nipple-pierce more than compensate?

That, my friends, is up to you.

This is the HCwDB of the Month.

Choose wisely. And lets dedicate this Monthly to the late, brilliant and irreplaceable George Carlin, who died yesterday at the age of 71. You will be missed.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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