Monday, June 2, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

Due to a bunch of classic pics and retro-scrotes, we had an eclectic list to whittle down to a final three this week.

But, after struggling with whether or not to leave off Potbelly due a lack of douchuousness in spite of the megahott (he didn’t make the cut), here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Guidics

Classic orange douche.

Yes, I try not to mock the under 18 ‘baglings as much as their adult counterparts. But the age of douchesent in Norway is 16, not 18.

So the Guidics are in.

And sure Greta’s probably in high school, but in two years she’ll be the nanny that ruins Dr. Goldenstein’s Upper West Side podiatry practice when he gets caught by his wife chasing her all over the apartment wearing only a speedo.

Damn you, Dr. Goldenstein. Was it worth it over an 18 year old Danish au pair?

Yeah. It probably was.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Scrote Times at Ridgemont High

Poor Mike Damone.

Whatever happens, his toes are still tappin’.

And while I feel guilt for associating one of the greatest teen comedies of all time with this travesty of a mockery of a sham, Mark Ratner would want me to fight this good fight.

So I call out Damone after 25 years for still trying to hang on to the party-boy ethos he left behind in skin follicles so many years ago.

But Stacy has that South American hott thing.

The type that parties with you in Brazil, then steals your Toyota Camry and drives it into the neighbor’s swing set at 2am.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Zippy

Technically, Zippy missed the cut last week. But only because last week was such a strong week. And by strong, I mean boobs.

So lets give Zippy and Aristocratic Upper West Side Lacy Underalls Hott a chance this week.

Why?

Because I would scramble eggs for the Sultan under careful watch of his food tasting guard, Erno, just for the chance to be paid in frog turds by the angry Nun who once nursed a sick Upper West Side Lacy Underalls out of a fever dream.

Dig that last sentence.

Who said I couldn’t write like Hemmingway?

But back to Zippy. Zippy is a sneakingly subversive douche. At first you think he’s not so scrotalicious. Then the signs appear. The tatts. The belt. The hair. The Son of Ubiquitous Red Cup. He is scrote.

But which of these three is enough to call HCwDB of the Week?

Don’t be shy.

Step up and vote for your choice for hott/douche superiority/grossery in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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