Monday, June 9, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

An incredibly pungent week pf pics last week (props to all who submitted), leads me to turn to my trusty arbiter of all that needs arbiting, alcohol, to select the final three.

My post-sugar-rush haze after two packets of Twizzlers, a half a bag of Fiddle Faddles, and fourteen Pabst Blue Ribbons out of my special issue limited edition Ubiquitous Plaid Cup led me to the following three HCwDB of the Week Finalists. Vote wisely:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Wheatstalks

Hells, might as well give this uberscrote another shot at a Weekly.

With hair that hilarious, and a chiquita that bouncy, he’s got the goods to go all the way.

And by all the way, I mean really stupid ass hair.

The only thing holding back Wheatstalks is that he’s so clownish he almost inverts the douche paradigm of obnoxiousness.

He also has no real hand gestures, no annoying bling, and no tribal tatts.

Even his face isn’t very douche-facey.

But that hair. That shirt. She is Mediterranean sweat hott. And he is poo.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Meatballs

Rare is the Swedish Delight so snowflake clean in the middle of a classic Eurobag sandwich of scrote.

I put it to you, Greg.

Yellow armband. Mullet. Dior Sunglasses.

She is a roots showing curvy non-scoliosis suffering arched back of skin lick.

I am in pain. I loves me some milky jean short-shorts.

I would castrate a peruvian wolf without Novocaine just for the chance to smack her grandmother’s corpse with a bottle of Absinthe.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Truman Coyote

This Wednesday Limerick combo of classic Vegas Choad and sexy mamacita hott deserves a shot in the finals, if for no other reason than that tatt.

Also, since it was limerick time, the Reese Witherspoon Legally Hott did not get remotely that proper attention that she deserves.

And by proper attention, I mean my hiding behind her Kia Sport at 2am dressed as a giant marshmallow.

Every classic HCwDB pic must have that proper balance between sweet innocent boobie hottie and utterly rank choad.

Which of these three pics rises to winner status?

That, my fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to you.

Vote for your winner, as always, in the comments thread.

Honorable mention to Trainwreckin’ in Rehab, the Friday Follicles Haiku and the toughest omission of all, He’s Alwayz Down for Wuteva, whose poetic verse wasn’t enough to compensate for a mediocre douche-pose.

# posted by douchebag1

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