Wednesday, June 18, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: The Metaphysical Hooligan


Was there any doubt?

In the last Weekly before next week’s Monthly, there was no stopping the dominance of the Metaphysical Hooligan and Italian Ice Hott, Carly. Mr. Bungle makes the case:

This is a clear win by The Metaphysical Hooligan. Not only does he sport the starscrote action, but the Vanilla Ice pout and the spike-mullet combo put it over the top for me.

And she is a lovely plate of delicious canoli that I hope would melt in my mouth and not in my hand.

Well put, Mr. B. Grumpy Llama agrees:

Gotta be The Metaphysical Hooligan. While I’d like to thank the other contestants for playing, this really was over before it began. Italian Pastry Hott is not quite up to par with the others, but Hooligan, with the star and the sneer and the soul patch, is just a barbed-wire arm band tattoo away from being the Grand Poobah of Douches. With what he’s got going for him, he could be snuggling Rosie O’Donnell and still be a contender.

And that, my friends, makes him something special.

That’s exactly it, GL, and thank you for the “snuggling Rosie O’Donnell” image so early in the morning. As the everpresent anonymous puts it:

Metaphysical Hooligan, for the deep carnal rage against humanity that he inspires in me.

Heh. “Carnal rage against humanity.” However the sheer power of the douching trough for Butterday Night Fever also made a strong case. our fragile griecosystem explains:

Butterday Night Fever due to the corey(hart)ography involved and the 2.5/1 nerdvana of hotness/douche ratio. Also the spray-on tans and the way the Last of the Scrotehicans presides over the whole affair.

Dr. McDouchie agrees, arguing for the pool-hott butt lineup for Weekly:

Butterday Night Fever is the suckle buns/grease muscle dichotomy amplified to 60mph and wedged under our collective fingernails. Those beautiful watercolors could inspire a Maurice Prendergast masterpiece, while those choads resemble beer poo. Bunnday Morning Hangover FTW.

Well said Doctor, and the Trough will have serious consideration for a 2008 Douchie. But clear a well earned spot for the sneering wrongness of the Hooligan. Pappa’s Got a Brand New Bagg explains:

The Hooligan deserves his landslide victory. He might as well be running against the green party.

And Massengill:

Metaphysical Hooligan FTW. The sneer, the star, the stare, the chin hair…he’s the total package. And by package I mean douche. I suspect his hott is a notary public.

Indeed, Mass. Crucial Head makes the final exclamation point on MH and Carly’s win, and by win, I mean douche-poo:

He makes me want to fondle a grizzly cub in front of its mother so she would swiftly put me out of my misery. She makes me want to take a warm shower while fondling a water balloon.

Dust off the shelf and elevate the MH for a well deserved Weekly, and the final spot in the Monthly smack-off.

# posted by douchebag1

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