Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Reader Mail: Miami

Miami Mice Hunter writes in:

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Mr. DB1-

Attached is a picture of a close relative of mine (in the blue dress) and her friends. The Miami douche has been well-documented on your site, but this time it has hit close to home.

Living in the city and going out here always feels like a safari — you look at the scrotes (i.e. Miami douche) from a safe distance and you can always get away when the action gets too close. But not anymore. The scrotes have taken one of my own.

I come to you a broken and bewildered man seeking advice. My close relative has already been sucked into the douche wilderness, but how do I keep her from getting bleethed out? And is there any hope she can escape the ugly clutch of these douches one day?

Sincerely,
Miami Mice Hunter

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MMH, to gauge the rescuability of any hott on her way to Bleeth, one must look for signs of Douche Virus Infection (DVI). Is she busting sideways peace sign hand gestures? Wearing stupid-ass sunglasses indoors and at night? Etc.

In the case of your “close relative,” she remains smiling, unpolluted and innocent, with highly suckable inner thighs. This would mark her only a stage-1 Bleeth, and therefore highly saveable.

The de-Bleething process is simple. Just whisk her away to a safehouse where you can huddle in the cement basement playing Connect Four until getting her drunk on mead, then pawing through her purse and suckling on her used kleenex like an arthritic otter from Bangladesh.

# posted by douchebag1

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