Thursday, June 19, 2008

Thursday Morning Thoughts


I woke up feeling refreshed this morning.

Maybe it was the bizarre cocktail of Patron and Mr. Pibb I came up with at 2am last night that destroyed all bacteria in my lower intestine, but I felt strangely cleansed.

I got out of bed and stretched.

I fed last night’s leftovers to the British street urchins I keep locked up in the basement to amuse people at parties, and put out some granola on the porch for the Lemurs.

I watered down the petunias in my garden and gargled some windex to cleanse the palette. Then I went inside to the study.

Lighting up a stogie and pouring a shot of rum for Jobu, I contemplated the famous words of 16th Century astronomer Tyco Brahe, who stared up at the Prague skyline one night and casually remarked, “I have to pee.”

So I peed.

Then I contemplated Pierre Bourdieu’s concept of “Social capital.” How it informs the erotics of the douche/hott through the markers of name-brand validation (Armani/Exchange, etc.). How we flatter ourselves into thinking our sexuality is innate, when it’s actually guided by complex social forces that profit from ennabling cultural anxieties in the social sphere.

Then I stared at pictures of boobies. Boobies make lil’ head very happy.

I reached no grand conclusions, neither from Bourdieu, nor from boobies. But it’s Thursday morning and the sun is shining, and I’m still in New York. The book comes out in a few weeks. There’s a whole new crop of scrotes and hotts in my in-box this morning to go through and mock.

So there is still hope to save the boobie hotties from the wrongness of douchescrotery. And if we can drink along the journey, then all the better.

# posted by douchebag1

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