Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Ask DB1: The Ex

—-
DB1,

I’m submitting to you a picture of a girl I used to date on a regular basis until she started to take trips to Sarasota where she met up with “friends” and took their daddy’s boat into the Gulf of Mexico.

This is how she met this vinegar scented creature pictured before you.

Do I go out and ink a tribal tattoo across my chest? Do I buy 3-D goggle douche-specs? Will I attract her then? Maybe I should have built her a boat made of Ubiquitous Red Cups?

The questions overwhelm me. Guide me to the path of righteousness. Please be quick for I have this irresistible need to buy self-tanner.

Stranded,
Tom

—-

I dunno, Tom, that tool is only a stage-1 or a stage-2 scrote. A partially inked tatt and 1960s That Girl glasses aren’t really the brand-name culture spectacle of the higher douchal vortex.

Although boatbags do have a certain annoyance factor that goes beyond the bling. As we all remember in last year’s legendary pic, The ‘Bag Islander. Man, that pic still makes me want to thigh punch a cactus.

But back to your question. As Ubiquitous Red Cup knows, sometimes we gotta cut bait and let the boobies go. No matter how bouncy they remain in our memory. Turning into a Boatbag will solve nothing, Tom. And then I will have to mock you in digital form on this site.

Don’t do it. Conquer the ‘Bag Within and let the boobies go, and only then will the hiney return.

# posted by douchebag1

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