Monday, July 28, 2008

HCwDB of the Month

Here it is, fellow ‘bag hunters. Live from San Francisco. The moment when the four couplings of grease and boobie come together to Bodyspray off for title of HCwDB of the Month and a slot in the Yearly at the 2008 Douchies in December.

Which of these four couplings most personifies all that is wrong in a culture of spectacle gone scrote?

That, fellow ‘bag hunters, is up to your vote. Here are your four finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Predatorbag

Because I never get tired of shouting Get to the choppa!! and because the 1985 macho classic remains indelibly linked to my childhood, Predatorbag deserves respek.

He is the bastard love child of Ahnold and the Predator. Half human, half four jawed alien Rastah hunter.

Pitch it in 50 words or less, Mr. Silver? He is “World’s Most Dangerous Game” meets “Platoon” meets “Saturday Night Fever”!

If it greases, we can mock it.

She may not rise to a state of pure feminine ivory snow, but she is still soapy. She can offer rays of hope in a dark, thunderous storm.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: A.D. Artificial Douchetelligence

What is a spectacular sample of otherworldly robotic uberscrote is hampered only by a high Bleeth factor on the girls.

While many pics have risen purely on the power of the douchal blight or the sexy hott, it is in the combination, the dialectic, between both that we find enlightement.

That being said, A.D. is so fantastically wrong, is such a perfect embodiment of all that is American Douche, it is hard to deny his uniqueness.

The girls may be 18 and already dropouts from the Long Island Institute for Follicular Studies, but they do have a certain bouncy charm.

But enough to help A.D. take the Monthly?

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Lawnmower Man

Our third titular reference to a classic sci-fi movie (and I really need to find other genres to crib from), The Lawnmower Man may be the only scrotal contestant on the site to purchase the Weed Wacker instead of the Flowbee.

I would ask Jamba Juice to make me a shot of wheatgrass from that fungus on his head. But it would probably taste like shoe.

However we must deduct points for the potential costumeyness of St. Patrick’s Day. But then we add those points back when we realize Lawnmower Man has a second, even douchier, pic, complete with hott licking.

But enough to take the prize? He has to be ranked as a longshot. But Reese is delightful. Can Lawnmower Man pull a Buster Douglas and take down the favorites? It’s happened before.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Droopy McScrote

The odds-on favorite to take the prize, Droopy and Surfer Kelly were immediate hits when they first appeared on HCwDB.

She, for the toned, taught body and walnut crushing thighs that promised hints of a summer breeze by the shore while lying languidly on a beach towel, followed by nights of spanking your bottom with a extra-long piece of licorice while calling you “Thor the Ass Hunter!”

He, for the stretch marks and aging gangsta choadishness.

This is a mighty couple indeed. But the winner isn’t announced until the votes are counted.

Will the Monthly go to the alien shirtless Predatorbag? Or the robotic A.D. and his double serving of trampy hotts? Will it be the Lawnmower Bag? Or do Droopy McScrote and Surfer Kelly overpower all?

That, fellow hotts, ‘bags, ‘bag hunters and midgets named Pepe, is up to you.

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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