Monday, July 7, 2008

HCwDB of the Week

The weekend is over. The beer has been Red Cupped. The dogs eaten. The greasechoads, Oranged, and the boobie-hotties tainted by mandana juice.

This week’s sampling of hott/choad are each worthy in their own right. But unlike last week’s champion, Droopy, there is no obvious winner. And by winner, I mean grease-mack upchuck uber-scrotal infectuous wrongness.

I’m so tingly I’m shaking like Katharine Hepburn on Red Bull. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Lawnmower Man

It’s not just because I live near a Jamba Juice that I’m nominating this tasty Grasshead for the Finals.

It’s also Pouty Blonde, who needs me to lightly talc her lower thigh area with confectioner’s sugar, then sign over 10% of all my future earnings in exchange for the chance to argue with her Aunt’s former personal trainer.

She is delightful.

And he is that new crop of Punkbag that makes my nethers itch. The merging of late 70s DIY Punk Aesthetic with chest-shaving greased up Metro Club grease. It is all that is wrong.

For that, they get a well deserved place in the Weekly.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Mullets

The ancient Hindi sect The Ubersquatos believed that the Mullet was a holy sign.

That it conveyed sexual stamina, relief from crop drought, and a scorching case of herps.

Did they know something from their ancient shamanic ways that our modern science has yet to figure out?

I’d argue yes.

Then I’d argue with Brunette.

Politely but firmly.

Because I’d want to touch her bottom with an ice-cream scooper dipped in whipped cream and play-doh.

And she’d say no. And I’d say okay. And go back to the bar to buy her another drink.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Ass Pear


This is one of those pics where ‘bag side isn’t overly ‘baggy. As I mentioned when it first appeared, Inflatey McHulk is more weight training superhero than douche on any level.

But he’s got the chest shave. And the goofy glasses. So he’s at least a Stage-1 Scroter.

Far more importantly, she is a peach. And by peach I mean ass pear. For the hott side hott, this pic squeaks into the finals.

More importantly, I turn it over to you.

Which of these three pics deserves a slot in the Monthly? Which combination of toolshed and cake most earns our collective mock?

That, my friends, is up to you.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)