Wednesday, July 2, 2008

HCwDB of the Week: Droopy McScrote


From the moment this unholy mix of sagg and curve appeared on the site, readers knew they were seeing a Weekly Winner in action. As the everpresent anonymous explains it:

Droopy McScrote ftw, for keepin’ it real, AARP style. You just know he spent hours matching up his jewelry for maximum ‘bling’ effect, and that his undies say ‘love machine’ across the back.

But mostly its Surfer Kelly, ffs what a HOTT!! I’ve already written a 400-page cookbook, all of which involve her panties.

I believe I saw that Twilight Zone episode in which the cookbook really involves panties, anon. douchetoevsky elaborates further:

#1. Droopy. Just look at him. Soak it in. He is as magnificent a specimen of hot douche-mess as you will every witness. The longer you stare at his scroteal glory, the more you comprehend his complete douchial magnificence. He needs to be captured, isolated and studied for scientific research. Surfer Kelly needs to have her holographic panties spanked off her taught, tan, buttocks with a rubber spatula.

Well said, V.D. ‘bag lanta is even more succinct, and by succinct I mean boobies:

Droopy FTW. There is just so much wrongness in the photo, and so much hottness with Surfer Kelly, that I see no other choice.

And el duderino:

My vote is for Droopy. She is everything that is sweet and succulent in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. I’d drown myself in chocolate just to get the golden ticket to lick her snozzberries.As for droopy….top of the muffin…TO YOU!

Heh. Top of the muffin indeed.

But lets not forget Gunter and Klaus. ColinSm makes the case:

But G&K bring the PAIN…they are pros. On a pure “points” bases (a little orange, hand gesture, d-face, sunglasses worn indoors) they don’t measure up to the douche lexicon that is the Droop…but they are scrotes to the depth of their…I was gonna say “souls” but that can’t be right…Anyway, they elicit the rage before the ridicule and that’s true choaditudity.

And matt reminds us not to forget the horrid inspiditude of all that is the Preppiebags:

I have to vote for Preppiebags cos anyone who wears their sunglasses on croakies makes me feel stabby.

Indeed, matt. Preppiebags are toxic and we should not forget to pass some mock their way. But as sir douchey explains, this was Droopy’s day to sagg in a landslide:

Droopy McScrote gets my vote. I’m transfixed by the ass that is apparently growing out of his lower back. Two assholes = huge douche.

And she is delicious.

Yes. Yes she is. phlerbert continues:

Droopy for the weekly, the monthly, and damn if I don’t wanna pencil him in for the yearly. The Hott-Douche Dichotomy can get worse than this, but sadly, I fear that DB1 will prove me wrong.

If this pic featured a red plastic cup, this site would collapse in on itself by the sheer weight of this tableau’s perfection.

A URC would indeed bring calls from the Guggenheim to add Droopy to their permanent collection. And the choaderfield monster takes it home:

Droopy is an all-out assault on everything that is right and good. And somehow Everything That Is Right And Good has deigned to mash boobs with him. Worst of all, his ponderous bulk reminds me of my own flabby self. He is a funhouse mirror of scrote, reflecting a bizarro-self that gives me the shivers. And when a douche inspires rage AND psychological trauma, you know you have a powerful force on your hands. So Droopy McScrote wins my vote.

Well said, C.M. Where else can you find the perfect mix of douchey hand gestures, tatts, rings, bling, cargo pants and stretch marks, commingling with a bouncy Wish They All Could Be California Girl? Only here. At HCwDB.

Where we celebrate the Yin-Yang contradictions of hottie/douchey mixing as the key cultural violation that leads us to enlightenment.

Book a ticket for Droopy and Surfer Kelly in the next Monthly. They will be formidable.

# posted by douchebag1

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